I’ve always done exactly what I’ve needed to do to survive. Forming the High Priests was less about money and power, as much as it was about banding together so we didn’t sink under the weight of this cruel world.
I nod, but I don’t say a word. She breaks eye contact with me and thinks about this for minute.
She knew I was bad. Guaranteed, she had me pegged by day one. I thought I could sidestep the issue for a while, but she was bound to find out sooner or later.
Oh, well. It’s not like I was trying to date the woman. I just wanted a fun night or two. You know, just until I got back home to my crew.
“You’ve killed people before,” she says.
It’s not a question. It’s a statement she already knows to be true.
“I never said I was a good person,” I tell her.
I’m not sure if that’s true.
“Innocent people?” she asks.
Define innocent.
“No innocents,” I say, truthfully. “Where I come from, you have the right to defend yourself and your product. If you don’t, it’s suicide.”
“Like a gang? Is that who that picture is on your wall?” she asks.
“That’s the only family I’ve ever had,” I admit. “My parents weren’t exactly role models. I don’t blame them for shit, though. It’s just the way this country is. Some people are born into winning. Others aren’t so lucky. You have to fight to get a leg up in this world.”
“I get it,” she says.
She has no idea what I’m talking about. I know it just by looking at her. She didn’t grow up penniless or with terrible parents. She’s some east coast yuppie who had it all.
I’m sure of it.
But she’s not angry with me? This shit is getting weirder by the second. “You’re not running away,” I say. “Why?”
She shrugs and exhales sharply. “I don’t know. I should. I know I should. I think you’re right, though. I do need to live a little. I need to judge less, and I need to open my eyes to the rest of the world. I came here to find myself. Maybe that means experiencing some danger.”
“I don’t think that—” I stop myself short. Fuck it. It’s her death wish. “I won’t argue with you. If you’re not frightened by me, I won’t push forward.”
This chick has some weird biker dream thing going on. She doesn’t understand the realities of my world. She almost just experienced some really bad shit, but it’s going to get much worse out there.
There aren’t any rules to this game. There’s no order to any of this. If someone wants you dead, or if you get in the way, they’ll rip your jugular right out from your throat.
They’ll tie you up and torture you, forcing crystal meth into your lungs. I’ve seen some terrible shit, awful shit. It’s the kind of stuff this “Eat, Love, Pray” woman couldn’t ever come back from.
I leave her place without saying a word. She hollers after me, but I’m over it. I’m not someone to be used for the fantasy factor of being with a gangster.
I just wanted to get laid. That’s it. Plain and simple.
More than that, I want names. I want to know who ordered this hit. Was it the head of the Hunters, Kaine?
If so, I’m waging war.
I have to be sure. I can’t just act.
As for now, I’m leaving this woman alone. Caroline, the woman with the perfect ass will have to wait.
10
Caroline