“Let’s make one thing clear,” I said. “You had Brutus over there club me in the face with a frozen ham. Nobody did any summoning.”
That was Loki’s role in the modern world, after all. To the general public, he was Theodore Thorpe, CEO and living heir of the Happy, Inc. empire, one of the world’s largest fast food conglomerates, responsible for all things unhealthy and, okay, admittedly, delicious. All those cheese puffs that Artemis liked so much, the ones I ate? Yeah. Loki’s company was behind the mass production of Snacky Yum-Yums.
I glanced around us, frowning, then gestured at the crates. “What’s all this? Stacked high to the ceiling, too.”
Loki’s face lit up, and he rubbed his hands together as he stepped towards one of the crates, extracting what looked like a plain wooden box in the shape of a perfect cube. He held it out in the palm of his hand, beaming as he showed it to me. “It’s my proudest invention.”
My eyes flitted from the box, up to his face, then down again. “The hell is that supposed to be?”
He drew up, the twitch in his eye telling me that he was very slightly offended that I wasn’t more impressed, but Loki composed himself quickly. He cleared his throat, an easy smile returning to his lips as he started his spiel.
“This is a new Happy, Inc. product. I call it the Cube. It’s a home assistant that does all sorts of things – plays music, controls your house’s temperature, does your online shopping for you – and I couldn’t be more excited to bring it to the public.” He patted the top of the box like it was a little pet hamster, then settled it back down in one of the crates. “It’s going to be my most phenomenal launch to date.”
“That’s a step up from hawking hamburgers.”
Loki flinched, his lips drawing back. I almost chuckled.
“So,” I said. “More money for you then? Hah. What else is new.” I waved my hand around us. “Why are we in a warehouse, anyway? Why aren’t we meeting in a fancy suite in your giant office building?”
“Big talk coming from someone who is clearly dressed to impress,” Loki purred.
I looked down at myself, then frowned even harder. Fine. He had me there.
8
“So what am I in for, exactly? Past few weeks alone I’ve rough and tumbled with demon princes, and earlier today I had to hack an angel’s head off. Might as well have the god of deception sending his goons to jump me.” I folded my arms and smirked at him, the simple expression hurting my jaw again. “Might as well fill out my bingo card, am I right?”
Loki’s fingers fluttered delicately to his chest, and he drew in a sharp sip of breath, gasping dramatically. “My dearest nephilim, that simply isn’t the case. You aren’t being detained here. You are Loki’s guest.”
“Your guest?” I looked around again. “This place is a dump. Kill me and get it over with. Just promise me that you’ll drag my body someplace where the rats won’t get to it.”
The god rolled his eyes, then sprang to his feet. “Fine. There really is no getting through to you. I liked that Dustin Graves character more, you know. He was funnier.”
Some might call me impetuous for doing so, but I scowled even harder at Loki just then, to his very visible delight. Dustin Graves was a different story entirely, and he was the reason I got into this whole mess. It was that whole thing with the five magical swords we needed to help Dustin perform a very important ritual. At least I knew that Mammon, the demon Prince of Greed, was temporarily off my case about losing its sword. Loki, on the other hand –
“Allow me to refresh your memory,” he said, folding his hands behind him, pacing back and forth in the ground just in front of my armchair. His heels clicked with every step, his fine leather shoes probably costing more than my entire wardrobe. “The last time we met was on a mountain. Do you recall?”
I nodded cautiously. We needed five swords to complete my friend Dustin’s ritual, to help him acquire enough power to thwart the elements that threatened our universe. And to get Loki’s sword, we had to track him all the way to a mountain in Malaysia, on this island called Borneo. Mount Kinabalu was beautiful, just fields and forest for miles around, and that was where we found Loki locked in battle with the All-Father.
“How could I forget?” I said, covering my mouth with one hand as I started chuckling. “If I recall correctly, Odin was kicking your ass.”
Loki rounded on me and hissed. “He was not. I had him on the ropes, as you humans might say. But I had my sword then, to use in a fair fight against his spear Gungnir. Now, I am empty-handed. Defenseless. And that is why we sit in this dusty warehouse.”
He let the silence linger for a moment, long enough that I had time to swallow and anticipate what he was about to say next. It wasn’t going to be pretty. Loki slammed his hands into the armrests of my chair, pushing his face alarmingly close to mine.
I leaned back in surprise, clenching my jaw to hide my fear. The curious balance of power in the modern world had made Loki an even match for Odin, the actual All-Father of the entire Norse pantheon. I was, in comparison, as good as vermin. I decided that holding my tongue was the best option.
“Now, nephilim,” Loki said, speaking sweetly through a grin that was both meant to intimidate and ingratiate. “I’ve heard that you have also lost the blades of the other entities, the ones you specifically borrowed and acquired for the ritual.”
Of course he knew. The gods talked. As Dionysus liked to put it, the gods were all gossips. I raised my finger. “Okay, technically, we borrowed those for Dustin’s ritual, and I didn’t lose them. The blades scattered and disappeared when he completed the ceremony.”
Loki leaned even closer, so much that I had no more room to squeeze against the armchair without bumping foreheads. “Do you think I give a single fuck whose fault this was? What matters is that your friend and your fool master screwed me over. They promised that they would only borrow Laevateinn for the duration of the ritual, and that it would be returned to me promptly.”
The god stood straight up, finally giving me room to breathe. I sighed, though not in relief. Loki folded his arms as he regarded me very much as a man looks at an insect.
“This you will do for me, nephilim. This you will do, or die. Retrieve my swords.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Whoa, wait, wait. Swords? Plural? I get that you’re mad about your blade being missing, but this is only about Laevateinn, isn’t it? That’s your sword. Just the one. That’s the one I’ll get back for you.”