“Sometimes they’re more. Sometimes they have meaning—heirlooms, wedding rings…”
He looks down at me and lifts his empty hand. “Sometimes.”
With the tips of his fingers, he touches the edge of my hair along my cheek. I tilt my head to the side and give him a small smile. I want to comfort him if only he would let me.
“I didn’t have anything else to do, so this became my life.”
“You could have more if you wanted.” Warmth fills my tone, warmth and longing. “You could have love, a family…”
His expression hardens. “My father was an abuser, which mean
s I’ll likely be one too. I don’t know if that capability is in me. Perhaps it’s not, but I’m not willing to find out.”
“You’re not an abuser. I’ve been with you; I’ve seen how you are with the people you care about. I’ve seen how you are with me, with Ollie.”
“I have my share of dark thoughts. Possibly more than my share—”
“Of thoughts? Everyone has thoughts, Spencer. I have thoughts of wanting to kill Ozzy for threatening my friend, for menacing me, for ruining his little boy’s life. Today I actually fantasized throwing that box in Elliot’s stupid face.”
His chin lifts, and he exhales a little ah. “That was Elliot. Good to know.”
“My point is, thoughts aren’t actions. You would never hurt me.”
“Perhaps. I’ve never allowed myself to be in a situation I couldn’t control.”
The tone in his voice sends a tingle through my stomach, and I’m ready to fight for this man.
“You wouldn’t. The beast never hurt Beauty. Hades worshipped Persephone—”
A grim smile curls his full lips. He pushes the dark hair off his brow and stands slowly. “It’s a good analogy. I know the darkness in myself, what I can be, what I’ve wanted to do. I’m not capable of a normal life.”
“How would you know if you never let yourself try?” Pushing off the floor, I stand beside him, holding his arm.
“I know.” He pats my hand. “Goodnight, Joselyn.”
My jaw drops as he crosses the room to the stairs, climbing slowly to his suite alone. I watch him disappear into the darkness, like he’s done every night we’ve been here.
So respectful.
So distant.
So cold.
Only, I understand now, and he’s dead wrong if he thinks I’m giving up on him, especially now that I know what I’m fighting against.
Chapter 26
Spencer
Having them here is not how I thought it would be.
Of course, that’s assuming I thought it through before I took one look at Joselyn’s battered face and lost my shit.
It was an impulsive decision, and now her presence one floor down, one bedroom below mine, is a constant temptation. At the same time, Oliver is a constant reminder.
He’s a tiny skeleton key slipping in and unlocking a lifetime’s worth of memories. I’ve felt everything he’s feeling. I’m well acquainted with all of his fears. I faced the dread he’s struggling with, only he’s in the very early stages of figuring out what it means, how his future will go.
I know where that lonely road leads. I know the questions he’s asking himself. In my case, I never had anyone to show me what real love and sacrifice could look like. I went from a home where my mother chose a monster over me and herself.