Trouble

“What’s on your mind, Spence?” Daisy pipes up from her spot at the table, but he doesn’t look away from me.

I know because I haven’t looked away from him.

“I hoped you might take a walk with me?” He steps closer, lowering his voice.

Swallowing the knot in my throat, I shrug. “I don’t mind walking.”

I do not take his hand.

Lifting my chin, I brush past him towards the front door, and Ms. Alice calls after me, “Don’t walk so fast!”

I roll my eyes, shaking my head as I push through the door. My insides are hot and zippy, but I’m not letting him get the best of me. I’m not going back to the way things were before.

He does a little jog to catch up with me, and for a minute we walk in silence.

I follow the sidewalk outside Ma’s new house, which is several blocks from the house where I grew up. Eventually, we meet up with the path leading to the small wooden bridge.

“I’m not sure where we’re going.” Spencer finally breaks the silence. “I’d wanted to go somewhere private so we could talk.”

When we get to the bridge, I stop in the middle. I’m not taking him all the way down the path into the alcove where the palmettos grow in thick clusters. My stomach is tight, and as much as I want to take him to that place, I’m not.

“We can talk here.” I turn to face him, leaning my hip against the railing. My arms are crossed so I don’t do anything foolish like reach out and touch him.

He puts a hand on the railing beside me, positioning his body so it’s in front of me. The wind blows his hair forward attractively around his temples, and his clean scent of leather and sandalwood touches my nose.

I blink away to keep from being distracted. “What do you want, Spencer?”

“Last night I had so many things to say, but now…” He looks out over the water, and I watch the line of muscle move in his jaw. “I’m not very good at this.”

Shifting my stance, I wait. I said all I had to say to him in the courtroom, and now the ball is in his court.

He blinks back to me, and his eyes are tight. “I’m sorry I left that way. I didn’t do it to hurt you.”

His words squeeze my chest, but it’s not enough. “You did hurt me.”

“I realize that now. I was thinking about the past, my past, and the things I had to handle, doors I had to close before…” As he speaks, his gaze falls to the water again. “I wasn’t thinking about you or how it must have seemed.”

He hesitates, sliding a hand to his hip, moving his jacket back, like he’s a model or something. My heart thumps in my chest, but I won’t help him with this.

Clearing his throat, he straightens. “You want something I’ve never done. I can’t promise I’ll be any good at it. I can’t promise I won’t fuck it up.” Hazel eyes lock on mine. “I can promise I’ll try.”

I blink, and a tear hits my cheek. His brow furrows, and he steps forward quickly to wipe it with his thumb. “I don’t want to make you cry.”

“Too late,” I hiccup, covering my mouth with my hand. My chest is twisting with heat and love, and I’m trying to be firm and push back on all the emotions he’s stirring inside me. “You’re a very frustrating man.”

“I know. I never cared before.” His voice is hoarse, and he slides a hand in his pocket. “I went to Rhode Island because I thought if I saw my dad, if I visited Drake’s grave, I might understand why.”

“Did you?”

“Not until I came back and saw you again. Sitting alone in that empty house last night, with only my things… I hated him. When he died, I sold everything he had so I’d never be like him, only I turned into something worse. He only hurt me. I hurt you.”

When his eyes meet mine, they’re more open than I’ve ever seen him. He almost seems lost, like he’s in a place he doesn’t understand. “I want to change for you, Sin. I want to be the man you deserve. Is it too late?”

Shaking my head, I rush into his arms. My face is pressed into his chest, and he holds me close. I hear him inhale deeply at the side of my head, and my heart swells so fast it hurts.

“It’s not too late.” My voice is a muffled whimper.

His arms loosen, and he slides his hands up my arms, holding my shoulders before cupping my cheeks and covering my mouth with his. Fresh tears fall, and I grip his sleeves as our lips part, as his tongue sweeps in and curls with mine.