When We Kiss

I exhale a growl. “She is not waiting for me.”

Tabby steps out onto the front porch and closes the door behind her. “But you were engaged to her?”

“It was a long time ago.”

“How long?”

“A year? More than a year. As long as I’ve been here.”

Her arms are still crossed, and she’s showing no signs of thawing. “So like right before you came here?”

“Yes, but to be fair, I’d just gotten out of the service. I’d been gone, and when I came back, I ended it with her.”

Tabby’s lips tighten, and I can see her mind working. “So you came home and broke her heart after being engaged to her for at least four years?”

“I didn’t break her heart.”

“No one stays engaged that long and doesn’t have her heart broken.”

“We never saw each other. It should’ve ended long ago.” Stepping to the side, I rub the back of my neck. “Why does this even matter?”

“Because you were engaged for more than four years.” She takes a step to the other side, away from me. “I told you about Travis, and he was just a douchebag I wasted six weeks on. You were with a girl you wanted to marry, to spend your life with. What other secrets are you keeping, Charles?”

“Nobody calls me that but my mother.” Who I’d like to strangle…

Her voice grows louder. “It’s another thing I didn’t know.”

“I’m sure it would’ve come up eventually. Tabby, listen to me. Nan and I were high school sweethearts. I felt like I had to propose to her before I went overseas because it’s what they all expected of us. Not because we were in love. It was because that’s what they wanted.”

“Are you so sure that’s how she felt? You were off on a boat.”

“I’m sure.”

She shakes her head. “You have this whole other life in Charleston—”

“A life I don’t want. I never wanted it. The pressure, the expectations… I hated it.”

It killed my sister… The unwelcome thought drifts through my mind.

Tabby’s voice is quiet. “You say that, but it’s all still back there waiting, unresolved. What happens when you realize one day that’s where you belong?”

“Nothing. Because it’s not going to happen!” Now I’m shouting.

This whole fucking night is pissing me off—this argument included.

Tabby’s eyes widen slightly and she returns to her door. “I need to think about it.”

“A million miles away?” My voice is still raised. “Do you know how dangerous blue holes are? They’re called diver cemeteries. And you’re going to go there alone?”

“They’re not all like that.” Her voice gets louder, matching mine. “Anyway, I’ve never let fear stop me from doing anything.”

“Fear can be a healthy emotion if it’s telling you not to do something that could get you killed.”

“Stop bossing me around!”

We’re standing on her front porch shouting at each other.

I take a step back, take a few breaths, lower my voice. “You’re doing this because of your uncle. Emberly told me what he said.”