One to Hold (One to Hold 1)

Elaine continued detailing their day, a tour of Taliesin West, a visit to one of the nearby ghost towns. I was amazed they’d been able to fit it all in.

“Tomorrow I was thinking we’d drive to Sedona,” Patrick said, looking at Derek.

Derek waved his hand. “Do what you want. We’re pretty much finished as far as the conference goes.”

His words made my heart sink, knowing the end was so near. I lifted my glass and took a long sip of the pinot noir he’d ordered—perfect for the petite filet I was having. I felt him studying my reaction, and I

wondered how he felt about the end of this week. Did it sadden him as much as it did me?

“We’re pretty much done here,” he said, rising. “I’ll ask the host to put it on my bill if you’d like to take a walk outside with me?”

Elaine’s eyes flew to mine, and she gave me an encouraging smile.

“Sure,” I said, standing.

“I think you can take your glass if you’d like to finish it,” Derek said, holding my chair.

“That’s okay,” I said. “I’ve had enough.”

Patrick and Elaine stayed behind, and she smiled in a way that I knew meant she was dying to give me two thumbs up. If she only knew how behind she was. I just shook my head and took Derek’s arm, allowing him to escort me from the large dining area.

It was another beautiful twilight, the sun slowly setting, turning the desert sky a myriad of dusky autumnal shades. I couldn’t stop my mind from counting the time we had left—only two nights. We’d fly out early Sunday, and I’d return to my situation in Maryland.

We strolled along the path lining the resort’s large golf course. I had so many things I wished I could say, and none that I could truly act upon. I wanted to exchange contact information, make plans to follow up when we got home, to be together, to hold onto him…

Derek wasn’t speaking either. He seemed a million miles away, and I wondered if his thoughts were following a similar course as mine. As always, he was incredibly handsome in grey, tailored slacks and a navy, short-sleeved sweater. It was thin and hugged the lines of his torso.

“Patrick and Elaine seem to be enjoying the trip,” I finally said, holding his arm as we walked.

“Hm,” Derek nodded, but he didn’t say more.

“Is anything wrong?” I asked, not sure if I wanted to know his answer. If something was wrong, and it was anything like I suspected, I wouldn’t be able to ease his mind.

His forehead creased, and he looked out at the horizon, speaking quietly. “This afternoon, being with you… It wasn’t what I expected.”

“It wasn’t?” My chest sank. To me this afternoon had set the bar on intensity so high, I was pretty sure I’d never top it. Hearing he might’ve thought less of it almost killed me.

He exhaled then gave me a sad little smile. “It was intense.” We took a few more steps, and he added just above a whisper. “Too fucking intense.”

My breath returned, and I gently squeezed his arm. “I’ve made some pretty lasting memories with you this week.”

He stopped then and faced me. “Patrick’s got a big mouth. He’s said things about me I thought were best left off the record.”

I looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes, not wanting him to see the tears forming in mine. “Elaine, too.”

“In my line of work, when people don’t want you to know their story, they usually have a damn good reason.”

I wasn’t sure if he was talking about himself or me, but I had to agree. “You’re right.”

“And pursuing that story only leaves everyone, well, pretty damaged.” His voice wasn’t angry, but it had a definite tone. I just couldn’t tell what he was getting at. Was he saying he understood my need for privacy? Was he trying to tell me his? Or worse, was he trying to cut the week short? Had it gotten too intense for him?

The last thought sliced painfully through my heart. “Sometimes, the damage is already done.”

“Listen to me,” he put his hands on my cheeks and tilted my face up to look at his. When he saw my eyes glistening, his expression changed. His eyes closed and he lowered his forehead to mine, exhaling the words. “What have I done?”

My hands clasped over my aching heart. “What have you done?” I managed to say.

He’d fucking made me fall in love with him is what he’d done, and now I’d return to Baltimore worse off than when I got here. But I couldn’t say that out loud. It wasn’t his fault I’d lost control. He’d said one week. I was the one who’d ended up wanting everything I couldn’t have.