Boss of Me

Finally, we’re out to the path that crosses Bull River. We abandon our bikes on the brown sand and jog out to the water. Renée’s white skirt whips in the breeze, but I’m in skinny capri pants. The tide is out, but the sand is wet, and the wind blows our hair back. It really is like we’re kids again. We did this every single day when school was out, playing on the beach like mermaids who’d just been given legs.

When we’re out of breath, we start to walk, side by side, headed nowhere in particular. After several minutes of silence, my sister glances at me sideways. “Are you ready to tell me what happened?”

Am I? I don’t know.

I take a deep breath that does little to ease the pain of the hole in my chest. If anybody can help me, it’s the person walking beside me—and not just because she’s a key factor in what happened, but because she knows me better than anyone.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me why you left Nashville?”

Her chin pulls back like she’s surprised by the question. “I don’t know. I didn’t want to talk about it.”

The wind blows both our hair around our faces and we walk quickly, leaving matching footprints in the sand.

“Will you tell me now?” My voice is quiet. I need her to tell me.

“Oh, Rocky…” She looks up at the sky. “Why does it matter? I was a different person then. I was trying so hard to be a part of a world where I didn’t belong.”

I’m chewing my lip thinking about this. “It seemed like you belonged there. You graduated at the top of your class. You passed the CPA exam on your first try—”

“Yes, I knew how to do the work. I was good at it…” She looks away. “But the longer I was there, the more I felt like my soul was suffocating.”

Scrubbing my fingers against my forehead, I don’t know what to make of this new information. “I thought you liked accounting. You told me you were so excited when you got the job at Fletcher. You were joining corporate America.”

“I was,” she nods. “I was excited to be out of school. I was thrilled this amazing firm hired me right out the gate. I loved feeling like I was part of something big. It was like something out of a movie… Until it turned bad.”

We walk a little more. She crosses her arms over her chest, and I briefly hug her waist. “What made it bad? Was it Marley? Did he hurt you?”

Her brow furrows, and she studies me. “Is that what he told you?”

“No.” I shake my head. “He never told me anything. I just heard things.”

We walk several more steps. The only sounds are our feet squeaking on the sand, the wind blowing around us, and the seagulls crying overhead.

“I didn’t tell you because I felt so overwhelmed. It was like I started something that snowballed until it was completely out of my control.”

“Were you sexually assaulted?”

“You mean like… raped?”

I nod, and she shakes her head. “Marley’s not like that.”

“Were you sexually harassed?”

Her brow furrows, and she chews her lip. “That’s the part that gets kind of… fuzzy.” She looks out to the horizon then back to me. “Marley and I were friends. After a while, we started having lunch together, then he started buying me little things. One week he stopped by my office with an ice cream cone or the next week he’d say he bumped into a guy selling flowers, so he bought me one… That kind of thing. It was sweet.”

“Okay…”

“Then we went for drinks a few times after work. Only… it wasn’t just the two of us. Everybody would go.”

“They still do that…” I’m doing my best to understand. It all sounds pretty harmless so far.

“One night he kissed me.” She drops her chin, and her cheeks turn pink. “It was a really great kiss. I guess that’s when I started thinking of him as more than just a work friend. Then it got to where we’d slip into the break room or the supply closet at work and make out…”

She blinks quickly, shaking her head like she’s embarrassed.

“But you were into it?”

“I was into it.” We walk a little farther, and she’s quiet.