He
nods and fishes out his wallet. Dropping three twenties on the table, he takes my hand and pulls me out of the booth.
I try to protest. “I’m sure that’s way too much—”
“Peg’s an old friend of yours?” I nod, and he continues. “We’ll give her a special tip then.”
Moments later, we’re on my beautiful beach. It’s cold, and I’m enveloped in fleece, hanging on his arm as the waves pound against the shore. It’s windy, and my hair pushes hard away from my face.
“Yesterday, I told you about Sloan.” I pull him down to sit beside me on the cool sand. “Tell me about Allison.”
His expression changes, and for a moment I think he’s going to find that one thing he’ll say No to me on. But he doesn’t. “Why?”
Shrugging, my hands are in my lap. “I love you. It’s an enormous part of your history…” I look out at the waves. The white breakers hit the sand with such force, spray shoots straight up into the wind before it’s whipped back out toward the ocean. “Whenever I visit your place, and there are no mementos of your life together, I can’t help wondering why.”
“I put the pictures away when she died. I guess I’ve never thought about taking them out again.”
“How did you meet her?”
He looks down then puts an arm around my shoulders, drawing me closer to him. “We went to high school together.”
A knot forms in my throat. It’s silly to feel insecure about a memory, but I need to know his past. “Did you date in high school?
He nods. “She waited for me when I did my first tour in the Gulf. The war broke out, and they all tied the yellow ribbons around the trees…”
“I’m so sorry.” Bringing up the subject suddenly feels like the stupidest idea I’ve ever had. “We don’t have to talk about it.”
But he catches my face and turns it back to his. “Hey,” his voice is a whisper. “I can talk about her with you. I never could with anyone else, but with you it’s different.”
“How?” I’m wondering if he can ever love me as much as someone he grew up with, someone he’d planned a life with. A woman who’d waited for him to come home, tied ribbons around oak trees for him.
A woman who’d loved him as much as I do.
“Because when Allison died, I gave up. I was so angry. I hated people… God, country, everything that had stolen the time we should’ve had together. The family we might’ve had. The family I thought I’d never have.”
Tears are in my eyes. I love this man, and even as he’s telling me about the broken dreams he had with another lover, it twists pain in my chest to think he felt such loss. “Oh, Derek. I’m so sorry.”
To my surprise, though, his voice is optimistic. “Stop.” He catches me around the waist, pulling me onto his lap. His hands are at my neck, and his thumbs sweep the tears from my cheeks almost as fast as his lips smooth them. “Please don’t cry. I know… what happened was unfair. I spent so many years bitter about it.”
Nothing seems right to say, so I only nod, looking down.
“Melissa, listen to me. You were… you are something I thought I’d never have. And our baby…” He pulls me closer, and he’s holding my neck with his head resting above my heart. “You helped me forgive the past and find peace. I love you so much. Why do you think I’m so hell bent on protecting you?”
I understand what he’s saying. It’s beautiful, and it mirrors the hope he gave me that short week in the desert. “I can’t bear thinking of how you suffered, losing her like that.”
“During that time we were apart—the time before you came to me with what Sloan had done, when I was only waiting, hoping you felt the same—I realized love isn’t something you can give away or shut off when it doesn’t work out. When love is taken away, it creates a vacuum that has to be filled with new love. You were a gift I wasn’t looking for, a gift I didn’t deserve, and maybe that’s why you’re so precious to me. You’re my second chance… and you gave me a second chance. Twice.”
My arms are hugged between us, and I slide my hands up to hold his face. “You’ve never told me this before.”
“I don’t want you to be threatened by my past.” He turns his head to kiss my palm. “You’re strong and beautiful, and it’s what I love about you. I can’t wait to see what our future will be.”
His words wash away my fears in a flood of understanding. He said exactly what I needed to know. Our love isn’t a competition. There are no ghosts lurking in the background, only memories. Some are good, some bad, but we’re something new. We’re building our future together, and in my heart, I know it’s right, because as much as I love him, I would never want him to go through life alone, and I know anyone who felt the way I do about him would say the same.
“I want to go to Baltimore with you.” I don’t have to think about it. “We shouldn’t be apart anymore.”
“No. I want you to stay here. Elaine can stay with you and—”
“Sloan doesn’t scare me. He doesn’t own me, and he can’t win—”