“Elaine,” I pleaded. “You know this doesn’t change anything.”
“It changes some things.”
“Not how much I love you.”
“I’ve got to go.” The line went dead and my hand dropped.
For a few minutes, I struggled against slamming my phone against the wall. Her words repeated over and over in my head. She was right, but she was wrong. The news was a shock, and my life had suddenly shifted. Kenny and the baby were new priorities for me, but they didn’t touch us and our relationship. She was still the most important thing. But I couldn’t force her to believe it. Only time would prove it to her, and as much as it hurt, I had to wait. My jaw clenched, and I was back to pacing.
The one thing I couldn’t take was the idea she might walk away. That her feelings might change because of this. She didn’t say they had, but I could feel her mounting her defenses against me.
“Dammit!” I slammed my palm against the door jamb. I wasn’t the enemy. I wouldn’t hurt her.
She said I already had.
I placed the phone on the counter and slowly went to the shower. Flipping on the water, I watched as the steam started to rise. I wanted to hold her again. I needed to hold her again. My insides hurt, everything hurt as the warm water covered my face, as I stepped under the spray gutted.
Chapter 20 – The Redemption Box
Derek didn’t look up from his laptop when I entered his office the next morning.
“I need a project. Something big,” I said, watching as he leaned back in his chair, blue eyes on me now, brow creased. “I need something that’ll take a lot of time and mental energy.”
He didn’t ask questions, which I appreciated; instead he leaned forward and started typing. “I’ll send you all the information on our new Dallas client. They need a complete online security diagnostic. Check every system, portal, communications channel… look for any and all vulnerable spots, write it up and detail all the fixes we recommend. Then I need you to contact Syntech and get them started integrating us into their networks. Make a list of every ID we should have access to and detail what we will and won’t see, data we will and won’t retain.” He did a few finishing keystrokes. “That should take you a while.”
I nodded, and he studied me a moment. “You okay?”
“Yes.” I was already out the door. “Thanks.”
* * *
Two weeks of analyzing portal after portal, working late, avoiding being alone in my apartment as much as possible, lifting weights with Derek, running, basically doing everything in my power not to think about her all the time, I was exhausted.
And I still thought about her all the time.
Thanksgiving came and went, and instead of spending the holiday with Elaine, I’d spent it alone at my apartment, eating a cold turkey sandwich, lying on my couch, and watching football.
Kenny checked in at least. “Why is the father of my child spending this family holiday alone?”
“It’s okay,” I lied. “My family’s deal is at Christmas. We’re too spread out for both holidays. Anyway, I’m not the best company right now.”
“Well, we had the entire Woods clan here, and let me tell you, I would rather be hiding out with you.”
Somehow Kenny could still make me smile. “How’s my little troublemaker cooking?”
“As far as I can tell, just fine,” she said with an exhale. It sounded like she lay back. “But something happened today… It might be a plan that would satisfy my dad, and I want to know what you think.”
Sitting forward in my chair, I muted the game. “Okay, shoot.”
“My aunt Laura was in town for the holiday,” she pau
sed as if choosing her words. “She’s an interesting person. My mom’s sister, single, but a very successful businesswoman.”
She waited as if I were supposed to say something.
“That’s… nice?”
“Anyway, she was talking about how she’d considered adoption before, but the paperwork and the whole process was so tedious and overwhelming…” another pause. “I want to ask her if she’d like to adopt Peanut.”