“Stop.” Ruby holds up her hands. “I would argue with them if I had a leg to stand on. As it is…” She shakes her head. “I’ve turned into exactly what they think I am.”
“You are nothing of the sort.” My voice is still growly. “I’ll shut every one of their stupid mouths. I’ll—”
“Remi…” Her voice is just below a shout. “Don’t you see they’re right?”
“I do not see they’re right. I don’t give a damn about those women or what they say or think.”
“But I do.”
I’m stunned by her quiet confession. “You do? But… Why?”
I’m confused and grasping at anything. I feel like my world is crumbling, and her mind is completely made up. I feel like she’s slammed an invisible door in my face and nothing I can say or do will get her to let me in.
I can’t make her stay, and it’s ripping out my heart. It’s tearing up my insides. I need her.
She resumes filling her suitcase, only slower. “I don’t care as much about me or my reputation. I care about my mom and how hard she works taking care of the seniors at church. I care about Lillie and the kids at preschool repeating what their parents say to her, or talking behind her back. She might not understand it now, but one day she will.” Ruby’s breath hiccups, and my heart breaks. “I care about you and what people say about you.”
“Fuck what they say.” I can’t stand this. “What can I do?”
“Nothing.” She puts the last of her folded clothes in the suitcase. “I’m moving out. That’s it.”
“You signed a contract. As Lillie’s nanny, you’re contractually obligated to live in this house.” I say it mostly as a joke, as a way to lighten the soul-crushing pain in my chest.
“I ha
ve to resign as Lillie’s nanny.”
“No…” It’s the final straw. I feel like she’s bringing me to my knees. “Lillie loves you.”
Her hands cover her face, and she nods quickly as her shoulders shake. When she speaks, her voice goes high. “I know.”
I can’t stand it anymore. I close the space between us, pulling her into my arms. “You can’t leave us. You have to stay.”
Her hands are on my arms at once, moving them away and stepping out of my embrace. “I’m sorry.” She clears her throat, getting her voice under control. “I’ll explain to her why I have to go.”
“What will you say?”
“I don’t know. I’ll think of something.”
“Ruby, please. Tell me what I can do to fix this.”
Her chin lifts, and her dark eyes meet mine. They’re so open and vulnerable, so deep and soulful. It breaks my heart. I wait for her to say anything, to tell me what she wants.
She waits a moment longer. Then she breaks our gaze.
“I’ll pick up Lillie from school. You can let Eleanor know I won’t be having dinner here tonight.”
29
Ruby
Life has a funny way of changing our plans.
Lillie had only been home five minutes before she went to the bathroom and immediately started wailing. I’d intended to tell her what was happening over lunch, now I’m in her pink bathroom holding her in my arms.
“Ruby!” She’s sobbing, and I cover my mouth and nose at the stench.
“Oh! Oh no.” It’s the best I’ve got.