One to Love (One to Hold 4)

“No.” I was still figuring it out myself, but I pushed on. “I think, maybe I’m scared... like even if I don’t feel the pain anymore, I still remember how bad it hurt to lose him. I can’t go through that again.”

“Why would you have to?”

My chin dropped, and a curtain of dark purple slid over my cheek. Strong arms were around me at once, pulling me against his chest. His chin rested on my head as he stroked my back. “Love is a risk, babe.”

“If I’d stayed with you it would’ve been easy. I was safe, and we had Lane...”

“Now you’re fucking with your own head. You don’t like safe, and you don’t love me.”

I stepped away from him, embarrassed. “I do...” Just not like that.

“Look at me.” He caught my shoulders, and I lifted my chin. “You made the right call. You knew it then, and you know it now. We would’ve eventually killed each other.”

I tried not to laugh, but I couldn’t help it. He was right.

“What’s worse is I wouldn’t have Elaine, and she is perfect for me. Just like there’s someone out there perfect for you.”

“If I don’t manage to screw it all up.”

“Don’t.” His voice was calm, a direct order.

“Don’t.” I repeated. “Just like that.”

“Just like that. Don’t borrow trouble, and don’t go looking for it. Put one foot in front of the other and stay open to what might happen.”

My lips pressed together as I thought about it. “And if I ruin everything again?”

“You won’t ruin anything. You couldn’t. When you find him, he’ll be right in every way. No forks needed.” He caught my hand and held it. “Will you try?”

The smallest hint of a smile tugged at the corner of my mouth, and I nodded. “I’ll try.”

At that exact moment, the door burst open and a tiny, golden tornado blustered straight at me. “Mommy!”

I dropped to a squat just as chubby arms flew around my neck, filling every part of me with roaring love and happiness.

“Peanut!” I cried, as he hit me with such force, I sat back on my ass.

“I couldn’t get him out of his car seat fast enough.” Elaine laughed as she put two bags on the counter. Patrick had gone to meet her, and she kissed him on the lips briefly, still talking. “He kept squealing ‘Mommy!’ like there was no tomorrow.”

I hugged Lane tighter, kissing his little neck and burying my nose in his sweet baby scent that always soothed whatever was bothering me.

“Mommy,” he said, patting the sides of my head, his baby blue eyes filled with wonder. “Purple.”

“That’s right!” I stood, hauling him up with me. “Mommy’s hair is purple. You like it?”

“I love it!” Elaine had just finished pouring him a sippy cup.

“Mommy.” He reached for her, and she handed it to him. She was as beautiful as ever dressed in a simple white tank and jeans, her straight blonde hair hanging loose down her back.

Patrick sidled up behind her, sliding his hands around her waist. “How long before Lane can say he has two mommies?”

Her eyes narrowed as her elbow shot back into his stomach. “Shut up.”

“Hot,” Patrick mouthed with a wink, but I only shook my head, hugging my little boy.

“Wish I could get away with crazy colors at school.” Elaine was back in the kitchen, unpacking the bags.

Lane pulled the cup away with a smack and plunged a chubby hand into my hair. “Purple,” he said again.