Her eyes blinked, and she saw me. My chest twisted as she flew at me, fists raised. “Killer!” She screamed, hitting my chest over and over. “Murderer!” Her voice broke as she collapsed against me sobbing.
My head bowed. I couldn’t change what I was, still my elbows bent as I held her, sliding to the floor with her as everything inside me shattered again.
She pushed against my arms and slapped me. It didn’t even hurt compared to the pain twisting behind my ribs. She slapped me again and then covered her face with her hands as she cried more. Her knees bent and she pressed her eyes against them. Seeing her this way was tearing me apart.
I reached for her, and she shoved my hand away. “Were you Slayer when you killed him? Did you use your signature death move?”
Standing slowly, I let her see the truth, the ink I’d been so careful to conceal. On my left ribcage was a large teardrop—the life I’d taken. Below it were praying hands and the letters R.I.P.
Quietly, I answered her. “I was so out
of control back then. When I went to the bar that night, I was gunning for a fight. He just happened to be the first punk to cross my path.”
She blinked up at me then and stood quickly, hitting me again. “You beat him to death!” She cried. “You killed him like a dog. Just like that dog!”
Those words seared through me. It was true. I was as vile as the man who’d raised me. I would never move past who I was or what I’d done.
Yet I loved her. I loved her with everything inside me. For a short time, she’d saved me from being that person. She’d calmed the noise in my head and healed my rage with her love. She’d made me believe in second chances.
That’s where I was the fool. It was never meant to last. I’d lost her before I even knew she existed.
Chapter 28: “With pain comes strength.”
Kenny
He stood there and let me hit him until I couldn’t feel my hands anymore. He took my pain as I released it with all of the bitterness and loss and anger I’d held for so many years. Then with a quiet apology, he left.
It was over.
I didn’t leave my bed for two days.
After all the years I’d spent alone, mourning, worrying about being true to Blake’s memory, I took my first steps and ran straight into the arms of his killer.
My throat tightened as the pain tried to tear me apart again. I was grieving for him. Right or wrong, I loved him. He was a killer, a murderer, and from the first night when he saved me on that beach to every day after when he saved me from my loneliness, I couldn’t live without him. We found each other; we fell in love. We were like pawns in some horrible, cosmic chess match, and we had no idea.
What kind of cruel joke would bring us together only to find out the horrible truth that would rip us apart? Oh, god. I clutched my knees tight to my chest. Closing my eyes, I still saw the devastated look on his face when Derek confronted him. It broke my heart.
But I had to fight. I couldn’t lie in this bed and cry another day. I had a job. I had a little boy... Ripping the blankets aside, I pulled open my door. Patrick was there on the couch in my living room, stopping me in my tracks.
“W-What are you doing here?”
He stood and walked groggily to me, pulling me into a hug. I fought against the fresh tears that threatened to return at his warmth. “You stayed with me when I thought I’d lost Elaine. Now I’m here for you.”
The tightness in my throat made it difficult to answer him. “Oh, Patrick. There’s no coming back from this.”
His hands smoothed my back, and for a moment we were quiet. Still, I couldn’t fall apart. I wouldn’t let myself.
“You’ve got to get home to our little boy,” I said. “Tell him I’ll be there for a visit soon—give me a day or two. I don’t want to cry in front of him.”
Patrick nodded, wiping my hair off my cheek. “Okay.” He hugged me again. “You’re going to make it through this. You will.”
I nodded, tucking my head against his shoulder. “I think I’ll go back and lie down for a bit first.”
“Your friend’s been over a couple times. She left you some food that smells delicious—tomato-stuffed cabbage?”
“You eat it, okay? I might throw up if I eat anything.”
His lips tightened and he nodded. “Get some rest.”