One to Love (One to Hold 4)

“He went away, I’m sorry.”

Doc’s brow lined. “Went away? But that’s impossible. The last time I talked to him...” I could only assume he read my expression and realized with every word, he was killing me a little bit more. “Would you be willing to tell me what happened?”

How did I say this out loud? He was asking me to repeat words I wouldn’t even say in my head.

“He... I guess you know he was in prison for murder.” The man nodded. “We didn’t know it at the time, but it seems the man he killed was...” I couldn’t say it. That old pain sliced through my heart with a vengeance.

“It was someone you knew?”

I waited, turning the truth over in my mind like a sheet of paper. A sheet of paper that held what? Answers?

Quietly I said the words, “It was my husband.”

Mid-afternoon was always a slow time at the gym, and for a moment we sat facing each other, the silence pressing hard inside my ears. He didn’t speak, and as the seconds ticked past, I realized I wasn’t going to break down. I guessed that meant I’d finally turned to stone.

“I’m sorry,” Doc spoke at last. “I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around what you just said.”

I wasn’t about to repeat myself. “I don’t have another way to say it.”

He paced, rubbing his scruffy chin seeming lost in thought. I remembered how Slayde used to refer to Doc’s mantras and words of wisdom. “That’s a pretty strange twist of fate.”

“That’s all you got?” I was being shitty, but fuck it. I was so far past caring anymore. “You don’t have some eternal truth for me?”

He nodded slowly. “Maybe. The Universe has a way of restoring balance. In some cultures, if you kill someone, you become responsible for their land, their family... their wife.” He caught my look and continued. “It’s a primitive system, I know. I’m only noting the comparison. Today we just kill you, widows and orphans be damned.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I was tired, and I didn’t have time for this.

“I’m talking about forgiveness.”

Turning the word over in my mind, I thought about what it could mean for me. “I was thinking about loyalty.”

“I understand that.” He nodded. “Tell you what, would you have dinner with me tonight? I think I’ll stay at Slayde’s place. He told me if I was ever in town to crash there, and maybe when he’s back—”

“Does he still have it?” I tried not to think about what it could mean if he did. He’d be back one day.

“I’ll find out, I guess. If not, I’ll wait for you there. I’d like to talk to you some more.”

I glanced at the clock. “I’ll be finished here in a few hours. I’ll drive over after.”

“Good. See you then.”

* * *

Being in Slayde’s living room filled me with a mix of emotions. The finger paintings we’d made still hung on the wall in the kitchen, and I honestly couldn’t look at them. It hurt too much. At the same time, being here, knowing Slayde still had the place... I wasn’t comfortable with the flood of hope running through me that maybe someday he’d be here again.

“The door was unlocked,” Doc said allowing me inside.

“He always left it unlocked.” I thought about that a moment. “I guess he didn’t like locked doors.”

“More like he didn’t have anything worth stealing,” Doc laughed. “This place is empty.”

Our first night here crept through my thoughts like a painful intruder. “He said if I ever lost everything, I’d be surprised at how much I didn’t need.”

“That’s just the kind of thing he would say.” Doc was energized. “It’s why I wanted to talk to you a bit longer.”

Glancing around, I raised my eyebrows. “Want me to order takeout?”

He seemed to remember we were meeting for dinner. “Yes! You probably know all the best places.”