“No.” Not that one.
/> He hugs me closer, and I tuck my face against him cherishing this moment of pure joy, listening to his heart beating strong in his chest.
When he speaks, his voice is low and grave, sorting through the facts. “I knew Esterhaus from my days as Gavin’s doorman. I had no evidence, no way to arrest him for anything, so I watched him, waiting. We made yearly trips across country. We smoked. We drank scotch. We played cards.” He pauses before continuing. “I knew he did wrong, but he never gave me any reason to suspect he hurt a child.”
Clearing the tightness in my throat, I take a step back, out of his arms. Our eyes meet, and I can see he’s waiting for me to give him a reason.
“When the theater changed, a handful of men became regular visitors.” An involuntary shaking breaks out from my chest as I begin to travel down this dark path. The memory sickens me. Saying the words out loud makes my lips tremble with fear.
Still… If Molly survived it, I can say it.
“As you know, he wasn’t a baron back then. He was only a businessman who visited the city.”
“I remember your question the first night.”
Sorrow radiates through my chest on every breath. It grips my shoulders as the memories punish me. No matter how many times I try to exorcise these demons, they always come back to bury me in guilt.
Mark pulls me close. He wraps one strong arm around my waist. The other he uses to smooth my hair back, to wipe the tears away with gentle hands.
“You tried to take her place?” His voice is rich with understanding.
“I never even knew when she was taken.” My voice breaks. The floodgates in my chest open as the storms of grief rain down. “They took turns with her. She was only thirteen. She was just a little girl, and when she came back…”
I can’t say it.
I exhale a violent sob.
I can still see her limp body.
I can still see the blood on her clothes.
Before she was so happy and full of life.
After, she was never the same again.
He holds me as I weep, sliding his hand up and down my back, kissing my head, my temple, my cheek.
“He was one of the men who raped her.” Mark’s voice is calm, resolute.
My cheeks are wet with tears, but I push them aside. I use my sleeve to dry my face, resentment giving me strength.
“The system is broken. For her to get justice… it would be impossible. It was so long ago and nothing was recorded. We have no physical evidence. It would be her word against his, a baron.”
The muscle moves in his jaw, and he stares out to sea. His expression is stony, but when he turns back to me, his eyes soften.
“So you ran from me.”
Dropping my chin again, I nod. “You can’t be a part of this. I would never ask you to violate your oath or betray your honor that way.”
He’s quiet, but he puts his arm around my waist, pulling me to him again. “You’re carrying my baby. You’re the mother of my child, and you need to be with me.”
My eyes squeeze closed as a pulse of emotion echoes in my chest. I want to be with him, with everything in my body.
But I made a promise, too.
“What else?” he asks as if reading my mind.
“I promised to help her find them all.”