Under the Stars

“That better not be all.” My teeth clench, and I shake my head. “He’d better come up with a better reason than that.”

“Or what? You’ll kill him?”

I can’t answer that question. I’m not planning to do anything like that ever again. At the same time, I can’t make any promises on how I might respond to seeing him after everything that’s happened.

“Lara.” Warning is in his voice.

“I just want to know why.”

“You need Mark. Gavin is dangerous. He’ll do whatever it takes to protect himself.”

“Mark is a cop, Roland. If he knows what we’ve done… What I’ve done…” Pain burns in my heart, pain mingled

with fear, because while I know I’m right, I know what Roland is saying is the truth. Gavin has always been powerful and unpredictable.

Still, how can I ask Mark to choose between helping us and breaking his oath to uphold the law? Our justice falls in the gray zone laws haven’t been able to sort out yet.

“How will you find him? He went underground shortly after the fire, and no one’s seen or heard from him in years.”

“Molly will find him.”

He exhales deeply and shakes his head. “Let the past go and learn to live with it.”

“After I find Gavin.” I go into the small kitchen and prepare Jillian’s formula.

Shaking the bottle, I return to find her big blue eyes open and her small hands reaching for Roland’s face. She’s smiling, and every time her little palm makes contact with his lips, he gives it a kiss. For a minute I stand and watch them, wishing it could all be this simple.

“I don’t know how I’m going to leave her tomorrow.” My chest tightens, and I’m afraid I might cry again. “Three days feels like a lifetime.”

“I’ll take good care of her.”

“I know.” I hand him the bottle and sit beside them on the couch. As soon as I sit, she fusses for me, and he hands her over. This dark topic is wearing me down, and I can’t think about it. I can’t analyze it. I just have to do it.

“So tell me about Rosa and the other girls,” I say, hoping for a distraction. “What are they doing?”

“Oh, they’re scattered around town. Rosa’s working at another show. Vanessa’s still stripping. Badly. Bea’s on the school board—”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I wish I were.”

I’m out of words, so I look at my sweet baby’s face. She smiles, tangling her tiny fingers in my hair, and my chest relaxes. She’s only three months old, but she’s so alert and happy. Her world is bright and full of hope, and I’ll do everything in my power to keep it that way.

I glance up at my friend and think about us here now, outside that prison. “We never used to talk like this.”

He nods. “It’s true. It was hard to think of much else besides survival in those days.”

My eyes return to Jillian. “I can’t imagine her being trapped in a place like that.”

Roland scoots forward and untangles her fingers from my hair. “Do you ever sing anymore?”

“It’s been a long time.”

“Here.” He takes my hand. “Sing it with me.”

My nose wrinkles. “I don’t want to. It’s been too long.”

“Just the main chorus.” He hums the first note, but I don’t think I can do it.