One to Take (One to Hold 8)

Slayde leans to the bar and grabs one, and I sketch the outline of a pair of wings connected by an infinity symbol. Under it in small Roman numerals, I add the year.

“Think you can work that into my constellation?”

My friend smiles, her eyes shimmering. “Of course I can. Let’s meet at the White Lotus tomorrow after work.”

“Sounds good.” I nod, sitting back, thinking about it. Jessica belongs with the stars.

Stomach full and heart comforted, I leave Kenny and Slayde’s place before ten. Instead of going straight home, I turn off toward the beachfront. When I’m at the old pier, I get out and walk along the wooden boardwalk. It’s a spot I’ve visited countless times to think or not so long ago, to feel closer to my grandmother.

The night is warm, and I’m only wearing my sleeveless black shift. No need for a sweater. Looking up, I see the sky full of stars. Emptiness aches in my chest, and I remember how I was before this summer.

“I used to think you were up there looking down on me,” I say softly. The waves make a gentle lapping sound against the pier posts, and I walk along the edge from one to the next, watching the black water sway. “I lost my dream then I lost everything. I’m not even sure who I am anymore.”

My phone buzzes in my hand, and I lift it to see who’s calling. An old familiar tingle moves through my chest at the image of Stuart’s face, and I touch the screen to answer.

“I was thinking about you,” his warm voice touches me through the line. “How did it go today?”

I take a deep breath before answering. “The doctor said he needed to go back through his charts. He wants to review his notes before he’ll let me know something.”

“Whatever he says, it doesn’t change anything.” His voice is calm, confident, and I instinctively want to lean into him.

Instead, I straighten my shoulders. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Not much. Reading, looking over some cases Derek sent me.” A pause. “Waiting for you.”

I gaze across the water as the ocean breeze pushes my hair back and think of him catching it in his hand. “I’d better go.”

Another moment of silence, then, “I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere this time.”

“Goodnight.”

21

Changes

Mariska

The White Lotus tattoo parlor is in a strip mall on Tom’s River. The owner is a former client of Kenny’s and as they worked out together, she learned my best friend is a licensed tattoo artist. It’s how Kenny met Patric

k.

I drive over to the small shop as soon as I get off from work at the gym, my mind at home on the painting I started. As soon as we’re done here, I plan to head back and finish it. I’m ready to fill that space.

Kenny’s car is already in the lot. She only worked a half-day at the gym. When I walk in Wren, the owner, is sitting in the back with a muscular guy lying on a table. She’s in the middle of an elaborate leopard tattoo scene on his back.

“Hey!” Kenny hops out, dressed in a black mini and tank top that reveals a one-inch strip of her pale torso. “I’ve got everything all set up, and I brought the sketch you did last night. Did you want to stick with that design or change it?”

I follow her to a chair around the corner. It’s the same spot where she put the constellation of stars on my side.

“Let me see it again.” I take the napkin and study the little sketch I made at her house. “No, that’s still what I want.”

She smiles and takes it from me, putting it under transfer paper and tracing it out. “Want the year in Roman numerals like that?”

“Yep.” I sit at the chair, and pull up my light green polo shirt. It makes my eyes appear slightly green, which is unusual. They’ve always been mostly caramel with hints of gold. I remember Stuart telling me they’re like the sunset in Montana.

“I still can’t get over preppy Mariska,” Kenny laughs.

Curling my nose, I rest my head on my hand. “What does that mean?”