One to Leave (One to Hold 5)

Derek’s condo was as plush as I recalled. Stainless steel everything in the kitchen, and the living room was decked out with black leather sectionals and a massive flat-screen television. Both bedrooms were identical with king-sized beds, crisp white linens, and similar dark-wood furnishings as in the living room. It was all very masculine and spare, and not a single rough-edge in sight.

He was a stand-up guy giving me his old place, but I couldn’t stay here. This wasn’t my style. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I was making the right call coming to Princeton. Nikki meeting me at the airport almost killed the deal.

She was as beautiful as ever, and I knew she’d wanted me to invite her up here tonight. My last night out, I was flying high, and I’d pretty much fucked her senseless. She was a great lay, but it was a huge mistake, especially in view of my current situation. Clearly Derek never found out. Shit. He’d be pissed, and he’d be completely justified.

I should’ve asked if she was still in the office, but it hadn’t occurred to me. Not that I was a self-centered prick, I was just preoccupied. It would be hard enough to keep my shit a secret without the complications of a woman sniffing around, and I needed privacy.

My hands started to shake as I stood looking out the wall of windows. Fisting them against the withdrawals, I ordered my mind to Fight. Fight, dammit! I was stronger than this. Nothing controlled me. I called the shots.

But I also knew the drill.

Shaking was the tickling whisper of what was to come. The easy greeting before the gut-twisting pain showed up to kick my ass and bring me to my knees. After that came the hot flashes, followed by more blinding cold shakes.

Insomnia... I hadn’t slept in days. If I could just get one night’s sleep, maybe it would bolster my strength to fight.

Crossing the room, I dug in my backpack for the bottle. Turning it toward the light, I remembered what I’d read. Tapering off was the least painful way to beat this addiction, but every time I opened that bottle, I took more.

Jaw clenched, I told my mind No. I came back to grab the reins, to get away from the easy prescriptions and the rationalizations. I was at a turning point, and if I couldn’t do it here, I only had one place left to go.

The bottle shook in my hand just before the first cramp twisted my stomach.

“Fuck!” I shouted, as my body bent in half. I staggered to the sofa before pushing off and heading to the bathroom.

Cold sweat coated my forehead. In seconds, it would all come out again, but before it did, I twisted off the white cap and dumped the entire contents into the toilet. No going back.

Sitting there, I braced against the pain, every muscle in my body straining so hard, I saw veins. God dammit. Hold on. I could do this. It hurt so bad, a hoarse groan scraped through my throat, past my resistance.

Getting up, I went into the kitchen and slammed cabinet doors open. Nikki had stocked the place, but I wasn’t after food. Shoving aside boxes of rice, pasta, crackers, another searing pain cut through my stomach, and a loaf of bread hit the floor. I gripped the oven door handle so hard, I thought it would break before I was able to straighten up again.

With a shaking hand, I opened the last cabinet and found the liquor supply. White, brown, golden. She’d bought a little of everything, no doubt expecting to share it with me.

I pulled out a fifth of Crown and threw the purple bag aside before I twisted off the top. I didn’t even wince as the whiskey burned through my chest. One big gulp after another, I slid down to the dark hardwoods. I’d sit here and finish it. Then I’d go to the next bottle until I passed out. I didn’t have a choice tonight.

* * *

My eyes burned fire as they peeled open and scanned the floor where I lay. I never left the kitchen of my partner’s immaculately clean condo last night. It had only taken a fifth of Crown. Easy night. Now my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, and my stomach was more torn up than before.

Shit. I’d never make it to the office this way, but I had to try.

Easing myself up, I held onto the sink before reaching into the cabinet for a glass. The water was so cold and good, I drank two before staggering into the living room, where a phone waited on an end table.

“Walter here!” The aged voice on the line was ready to serve. Clearly, he’d been informed I was moving into Derek’s old place.

I’d met him before, of course, and I couldn’t count the number of times my partner had mentioned how great he was. Better than a butler, connections in the service industry all over town, I vaguely recalled Walter could get a reservation at any restaurant with any amount of notice.

Food was not on my agenda this morning. “Walter, any chance there’s a drugstore in the building?” I sounded like shit.

“Sorry, Mr. Knight, but I can send out for something. What do you need?”

Clearing my throat, I looked out at the sun cutting through the long, grey clouds. “I need Imodium.”

“I’ll have it in less than five. Hang in there, sir.”

“And Walter?”

“Yes, sir?”

Squeezing my eyes together, I tried to remember what I’d read. “If they have any of those pain relievers with sleep aid? I’ve been having trouble sleeping.”