Wait for Me

I waited for it to come, and when it did, I gave it everything.

Now it’s gone.

Leon leaves angry.

My eyes go to the window and pain claws at my empty chest. This empty shell still has the ability to feel.

Rising to my feet, I go to the glass and slide it open. Akela follows at my side as I step through the opening like a portal to the past.

Walking along the porch in my bare feet, I go down to the yard and walk out to the hill with the trees stretching up to the sky. Open palms, grasping fingers.

The sweet scent is gone, and the air is cold and dry.

I stand looking down on my daddy’s house. What is left when you lose something so precious? Something irreplaceable?

A quiet breeze moves through the trees, sliding my hair off my shoulders. Akela sits at my feet and waits. I strain my eyes to find the answer, to see the bend in the road ahead.

All I see is black.

“Daddy?” I squint into the darkness.

I want to go to him. I want to be free of this pain crushing my bones to powder. No one warned me pain could be this deep. No one told me not to give myself completely to another.

Going farther into the trees, the cold settles against my skin. I find the biggest one to sit against, my back against the wood, and let it pull me closer.

My daddy’s presence is with me here, and I close my eyes. His sadness matches mine. He understands my loss. I want to take his hand and go with him to a place of peace. I want to be released from this misery.

“Noel?” My brother’s face is stricken, panicked.

He lifts me off my feet like a doll lost in the woods. My bare feet dangle over his arms, bouncing with every step. He goes quickly to my room and tucks me into my bed, pushing the blankets tight around my sides.

He calls someone, and I expect my friend to return. Instead it’s Mrs. Jenny.

Her dark head is over mine, her dark eyes stern. She takes me into the bathroom and puts me in the shower, and while I go through the motions, she digs in the cabinets.

“How long has it been?”

I’m confused as she holds up a box of tampons. How should I know? Time has passed? She leaves, and I return to my chair, my dog returns to my feet watching.

More time passes… I think.

I was with my daddy. He was going to tell me something. What was it?

Mrs. Jenny is back. Worried faces. She takes my arm and leads me into the bathroom, turning me and holding a plastic stick at my face.

“Pee on this end.”

I do as she says even if it makes no sense. Doesn’t she know? Everything inside me has died. He tore it all out by the roots and put salt on the earth. Nothing will ever grow here.

Back in my bedroom, I’m staring at my daddy across from me. He understands.

He gives me permission…

“Noel Aveline?” Mrs. Jenny is back at my side, her voice strong and commanding. “You are going to be a mother. You have to stop this. You hear me?”

My brow furrows, and I blink once, twice. I turn my head slowly to look at her, and something nudges at my empty chest.

“Get up and stand on your feet. Your life has a bigger purpose now.”