Wait for Me

The knife is on the counter, and I stop her. Catching her chin, I lift her face so our gaze meets.

“I get that, and I deserve it.” Amber eyes flicker away, settling on my chest, right over my heart where her name is inked. “I will prove myself to you, Noel. I won’t let you down again.”

A quiet whisper. “I’m trying.”

Lifting her hand, I kiss her palm. Our eyes meet, and I hope she can see the depth of my commitment. I hope she can see my heart. “I’ll wait for you.”

It’s a hard thing to do. It’s excruciating to be so close, to have held her in my arms all night and still have her put a hand up, but it’s my fault. She needs time.

Time… I won’t lie and say I like it, but she’s important to me. Dove is important to me. They’re why I’m here, and I’m prepared to earn her back.

After breakfast, I want to work. I want to be alone and work my muscles. I want to sweat.

Sawyer says we need to be sure the roots on the new trees are well covered. The temperature is dropping, a bitter front is moving through, and forecasts are calling for ice, possibly snow.

Dove falls asleep on the sofa in front of the television, and I head outside to get started. I’ve just finished checking the canvas on the first row of trees when I notice Leon standing with his hands in his pockets looking down at the concrete loading dock.

“Hey.” I go to where he’s waiting.

“Hey.” He looks up at me. His anger has cooled, and I’ve been waiting to have this conversation. “I’ve been pretty pissed at you for a while now.”

“I know.”

“Sawyer said you were injured, but I don’t understand what kind of injury makes you forget your promises.”

My throat knots, and it’s like he’s slammed me in the side again. I feel like I’m back at Square One, trying to come out of the hole I’ve fallen into.

“I started on pain meds…” Shame flashes hot in my chest. I hate this weakness. I hate admitting how far I fell. Still, I know from every time I tried to run, denial only leads to darkness. “The force of that addiction is something I’ll never forget.”

He studies me, brow furrowed. Leon is smart—I can see him thinking about this. “So you’re over it now?”

“I’ll never be over it… but I’ve learned to fight it. I’ve learned when to walk away. When to get help.” I look down at my scuffed boots.

We’re quiet a moment. A bird chirps in the top corner of the shed, and I wish Akela would put her head under my hand.

Lifting my eyes, I meet his. “I’m sorry I let you down, Leon.”

He straightens and his jaw flexes. Then he nods. “You’re really sweet to Dove. She loves you a lot.”

“I love her. She’s something to fight for… and Noel.” I mean these words with all my heart. “You’re a great uncle. I appreciate you taking care of her when I couldn’t.”

He shifts from one foot to the other, and I glance up to see his expression has eased. “She’s my family.”

My lips tighten, and I nod. Of course. If I’ve learned anything about Sawyer, Noel, and Leon, it’s that family comes first.

After what they’ve survived, I get it.

“I thought you might be my family once.” He slants an eye up at me.

“I’d like that. More than anything—it’s why I’m here now.”

“Sawyer said sometimes good people get hit hard. We have to forgive them because we never know when it might be our turn to need forgiveness.”

Swallowing the knot in my throat, I nod. “Your brother’s a smart guy.”

“He’s usually right about people.”

Glancing up, I see Leon’s holding out a hand to me. I step forward and take it, shaking his hand and putting my other on top.