“It’s cold… Here.” I close the window behind him, checking over my shoulder to be sure Dove is still quietly snoring with Alice clutched to her side.
I surrender to his kiss. He covers my mouth with his, pushing my lips apart and finding my tongue, making me hot and slippery.
My heart beats so hard, it aches in my chest. Being in his bed, making love with him was the satisfaction of a year’s-long need, and I want him holding me down again, turning me over, pushing inside, and claiming what’s his.
Lifting my chin I can barely catch my breath as his hands go under my shirt, lightly cupping my breasts.
“Taron…” I drop my forehead to his, dragging my fingernails through his beard. “What are you doing in here?”
“Missing you.” His head dips, and his beard scuffs my skin as his mouth closes over a hardened nipple.
“Oh…” I gasp as he gives it a firm suck, and my knees are liquid. I bite back a moan, and he straightens, catching my cheeks.
“I want you in my bed. Now.”
Electricity is in my veins, and I want to say yes. “It’s risky… If she wakes up and I’m not here, she’ll come looking.”
His eyes go to our baby, and the struggle is real. “That little girl.” He sighs, and his hands move around to my back, warm palms pressing me against his chest.
I feel his heartbeat through his shirt, and I don’t want to let him go. I consider putting him in my bed, but I don’t think we’re strong enough for that.
“Grab a coat and come with me.” He steps out the window again, and I grab my thick, fluffy coat, wrapping it over my thin tee and sweats.
“It’s freezing out here.” I pull up my wooly socks and snuggle closer into him on the porch swing. “Here.”
I open my coat and straddle his lap as he slips his arms around me and we rock. For a little bit we’re quiet, letting our bodies heat each other’s.
When he speaks, his tone has changed. It’s quiet, solemn. “Every second of the mission to rescue Marley, I thought about you. I worried about you. I dreamed about you. It was the longest we’d ever gone without speaking since we’d met.”
My heart beats faster at his words, but I go still. We need to have this talk.
“Sawyer was able to call you because they considered him the head of your household… and it was possible we could’ve been killed on the mission.”
I tuck my chin, putting my damp eyes against his shoulder. I remember those days clear as a bell.
He continues, his voice neutral, his muscles tense. “We eventually found him. He was deep in the jungle, in an old, abandoned shack… I was the first one through the door.” A pause. A breath. I feel him swallow the thickness in his throat. “He was messed up bad. I didn’t secure the interior like I should have. I didn’t check for anyone else. I went straight to him and started cutting off the ropes. He was bleeding and barely conscious. I was so relieved we’d found him, but I was also thinking of you, finally being able to get back to you.”
Turning my face, I press my lips to his skin.
“I didn’t see her in the corner. I didn’t see her until it was too late, and she was swinging a machete at our heads. I did the only thing I knew to do. I pulled out my gun and I shot…”
My throat goes tight, and I sit up, searching for his eyes. They’re downcast, not meeting mine. Placing my palm on his cheek, I’m not sure I understand.
“What—?”
“I killed her. She was just a kid, probably a kidnap victim herself. I don’t know. We had to leave her behind… I’ll never know.”
My heart aches at the pain in his voice. “Was this the thing…”
“I fell on the way out and was injured. Back injuries are pretty much an automatic medical leave. They gave me a purple heart and sent me home. But I knew what I’d done. I could never… I can never forget her lying alone in that hut in the jungle.”
“Oh, Taron.” Tears spill onto my cheeks, and I wrap my arms around his shoulders, hugging him with all my heart, wishing I could take this pain away.
We’re quiet for a little bit, swaying slowly in the swing, sharing this terrible memory. My hands slide up and down his broad shoulders, and I calm my tears. Sitting up, I dry my eyes, placing my hands on his neck. He’s been strong enough to tell me this. I’m strong enough to hear it.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
His beautiful eyes meet mine, and they’re like the sea, blue-green and glistening. “Can you forgive me?”