She seems so certain. I want to have that kind of faith, but I don’t.
“Noel has been through so much.” She gazes at my daughter while she speaks. “What she’s had to survive, the Lord gave her strength to survive. He won’t ask more of her than she can stand.”
Guilt weighs on me like a boulder. “I shouldn’t have come here.”
“What are you saying?” Her dark eyes meet mine.
“I’ve done things… bad things. Noel shouldn’t have to suffer because of me.”
Her hands are on my shoulders again, grasping me sure and strong. “It doesn’t work that way. You put yourself in chains holding onto the past. Let your mistakes go and forgive yourself.”
I start to answer, but she stops me. “The darkest hour is just before dawn.” Then she goes to the door and leaves us.
Looking back at my little girl, I think about her words. I think about the dungeon I’ve kept myself in since Mexico. Is it possible Mindy’s mom has given me the keys to set myself free?
My hand is on Dove’s, and I lower my forehead to my arm. It’s so quiet, I’m not sure if I doze. I only know time passes, and Noel comes back. She sits beside me and puts her head on my arm. I move and pull her against my chest.
“I love you.” It’s the only thing I can say. I’m at the end of my ability to fix this.
She lifts her head, giving me a sad smile. “I love you.”
Reaching for her cheek, I pull her lips to mine and kiss her, softly, gently. Our eyes meet, and I would do anything to take away her pain.
Tucking her head into my chest again, I close my eyes and say a silent prayer. She’s in my arms, secure in my embrace. I have to believe it’s going to be okay.
“Daddy…”
A sleepy little voice startles us. “Were you kissing Mamma?”
My head snaps around. “Dove?”
Her pretty eyes blink round, and her mother dives forward. “Dove? You’re awake!” Noel kisses her cheek. She kisses her other cheek and her neck and the side of her hand. “Oh, my baby… my sweet, angel baby…”
I step back, giving her room as happiness, relief, gratitude, joy surge in my chest. Going to the head of the bed, I reach down to stroke her soft hair.
“How are you feeling, sweet pea?”
“My head hurts.” Her voice sounds tired. “I was so cold. I held onto Akela. She was warm. She tried to get me out…” She looks up at me, and her little eyes go round. “I’m sorry I didn’t go home like you said.”
“It’s okay… You’re not in trouble….” I don’t know how to say this. “Don’t ever do that again, okay?”
She nods, solemnly. “Is Akela okay?”
Noel gathers her up for a kiss as the nurse enters the room and starts moving quickly, making notes and checking her vitals.
Dove’s blue-green eyes never leave us. “Is Mamma your princess now?”
I only smile, so thankful for a second chance. “We’ll talk about everything when we get home.”
33
Noel
“Five times four?” Leon leans on the bar with Dove perched right in front of him.
“Twenty!” She shouts, doing a little jump.
“Two times two?”