Make You Mine

“I’d say yes, it matters a lot.”

Her voice is quiet, apologetic. “I’m not.”

I make another note. “How would telling him you’re trans help you?”

“I thought he might hit on me.”

My brow furrows. “Has he made inappropriate advances toward you in the workplace before?”

Her chin drops. “No.”

My voice is calm, measured. “So if it wasn’t to protect yourself from sexual harassment…”

I wait, seconds tick, finally she answers. “I did it to get out of corporate training. They don’t have unisex bathrooms.”

“I see.” It’s starting to make sense now.

“I can’t stand around in groups.”

“Why do you say that?”

We wait. She wavers. It’s okay. I smile kindly.

Then it breaks, words gushing like water. “I stand there and it always gets to that point where everybody’s looking at me, waiting. The pressure keeps building. They’re all waiting for me to say something, and if I don’t they all think I’m a bitch or I’m unfriendly and they won’t ever talk to me again.”

I make a new note on my legal pad. “Were you quiet as a child?”

She shrugs. “I guess… I just… I never knew what to say to people.”

“Were you punished for it?”

She doesn’t answer. She studies her fingernails, blinking quickly. My heart breaks a little, but I’m not trying to make her cry.

“It’s okay. We’re here to find answers, right?” Ducking my head, I catch her eye and give her another smile.

She gives me a very brief grimace in return.

“I have a little assignment for you to try.” I take out my white notepad. “I want you to write down the times you told a fib. More importantly, I want you to think about what happened right before that. Maybe we can find other ways to handle these situations. Ways that won’t get you or anybody else in trouble.”

I tear off the slip of paper and hand it to her. She takes it, reading slowly as I show her out. Despite the personal crap in my life, we made a little breakthrough here. I make a note. Riley is very sensitive. I don’t want to be frustrated or on edge when I meet with her next time.

Once she’s made it to reception, I step across the hall where Ruby is at the copy machine. My stomach is burning thinking about Gray with Leslie, seeing him so relaxed and familiar with her. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

“What doesn’t?” She doesn’t look up from punching numbers.

“He was so broken, talking about how he isn’t the same person anymore.”

My friend’s eyes flicker up to mine. “Hang on.” She hops over and shuts the door, quickly twisting the wands to close the mini blinds. “What happened? Why are you so upset?”

“It makes no sense. Lies make no sense.”

“Need me to take the new patient?”

I shake my head, although I probably should have postponed my appointments for today. I can’t do that. I have to be a professional.

Still… “I thought he needed space to heal. I was giving him space. I was waiting… like always.” I’m pacing the break room fuming. “Then I find him over there healing with Leslie Grant.”

“That whore. Of course, she’s going to rush right in the minute he returns. She always had her eye on him when they were in school.”