“Pastor Stemple is a party-pooping old windbag.” Ruby jumps in. “What was all that garbage about the cow? I never could understand that story.”
“The cow was God’s will.” Her mother starts, but Ruby cuts her off.
“I’ve been studying Chinese zodiac. Want to try it?”
“Sure!” I’ll do anything to get out of discussing my clients over lunch with Ruby’s mother. “How does it work?”
“Not at my table, Ru.”
“Come on.” Ruby gets up, and I start to follow, but Mrs. B stops me.
“You are just like your mother.” She puts her hand lightly on my cheek. “Always trying to help others, defend others, even if it’s misunderstood.”
“I don’t understand…”
Her hand goes to my shoulder, and she gives me a squeeze. “No worries. Now clean up!”
I follow my bestie to the kitchen, to deposit our plates in the dishwasher, then to her bedroom.
She still has a huge poster of the Backstreet Boys on her wall, and I flop on her purple-covered double bed.
For a second, I look around at her young-girl décor. “What would you do if you wanted to take a guy home after a date?”
“Are you kidding? I’d never bring a guy here.” She flops on the bed in front of me. “Unless he was the first Korean president of the United States.”
I start to laugh, but she quickly adds. “Maybe not even then. He’d be old. And probably not very good in bed. You know, powerful men and all. Let’s see…”
She turns the pages of the glossy booklet covered in Chinese characters. “You’re not Chinese…”
“Neither are you, but it’s still fun.” Finally she gets to a page with a sliding wheel on it. It’s broken into three parts, so she can li
ne it up over a pie chart of different animals.
“Okay, so your birthday is June…” She makes a note on one of our pads from the clinic. “Gray is August, four years later…”
Another note, then she flips a few pages. “You know, those notepads aren’t cheap. You should use one of the legal pads instead.”
“Oh! Look!” She turns the book towards me. “It says you’re a perfect match! He’s a horse and you’re a dog.”
My face pulls back. “Are you calling me a bitch?”
“Horses are clever, sensitive, and insightful…” She looks up and nods. “Totally Gray. And dogs are… honest, kind, frank, and tolerant! Totally you! Isn’t it amazing?”
Leaning forward, I examine the book with her. “That’s pretty… right on the money.”
“It says horse males are very attractive to female dogs…”
“You’re calling me a bitch.”
“You were being kind of bitchy about the notepad.”
My eyes narrow. “Those white pads are specially designed for the clinic. The legal pads are cheap. Anyway, who was your mom talking about on your date? When did that happen?”
She flops on her back on the bed. “I have to stop answering her when she asks how my date went.”
“I can’t believe you ever started. Some of them are pretty raunchy. Remember the guy who asked if you’d consider getting a boob job?”
“God, don’t remind me!” She wails. “He was almost as bad as the guy who called me Ruthie the whole night.”