I’m afraid he won’t come back. Everything my dad said to him beats in my brain like a cruel drummer.
You never belonged here. You never should have come here. Danny was the hero, not you. You should have died in the desert.
I squeeze my arms tighter, seeing Gray’s face as my dad shouted these words at him. With every syllable, Gray’s expression grew darker. It was as if my dad were pounding him with his fists instead of lashing him with his tongue.
I tried to make it stop, but my dad was stronger than I expected, or pure rage gave him power. Years of built-up frustrations.
I know how guilty Gray feels. I know how much he blames himself, and with the PTSD, it just makes it all worse. At the same time, my anger at my father is difficult to sustain.
How can I hate this miserable, broken man? His words were cruel, but they came from his pit of a soul, worn thin by the alcohol he used to survive for so long.
I sit for hours in a mix of families at the hospital, waiting, desperate for different reasons. HGTV keeps us all from going crazy, as we watch people fighting over house flipping, crying over home makeovers, debating whether they want to convert a garage into a master suite.
After what seems like an eternity, a nurse calls my name through the waiting room. “Andrea Harris?”
I raise my hand and go to her.
“A doctor will meet with you now.” She leads me to a small room.
I step inside and close the door for privacy. A woman with dark hair and kind black eyes gives me a sad smile. “Your father was extremely dehydrated. Based on his blood work… I’m afraid he might have liver damage. It’s possible he even damaged his heart.”
My chin drops, and I exhale deeply. “He’s been abusing alcohol since I was a girl. Since my mother died.”
She nods. “His body can’t keep this up.”
“I’ve tried everything to get him help. He only fights me.”
She exhales, leaning back. “The good news is we have him here now. We can start him on diazepam. We can get his nutrients up. Some of the damage will be irreversible, but perhaps we can break the cycle. Prevent further damage.”
By the time I get home, I’m not sure I can keep going. My head is spinning, and the one time I was able to see my dad, he wouldn’t stop saying Danny’s name. I don’t even take off my clothes before collapsing on my bed.
“Drew… Drew? Anybody home?”
My bed bounces gently, forcing my eyes to open. Ruby hangs over me, her long black hair touching my cheeks.
“She’s alive!” She flops beside me, resting her head against mine. “I was worried about you. You okay?”
I don’t even answer. I roll onto my side with my back to her.
In one fluid movement, she rolls behind me, curling her body to mine, her chest to my back as I cry for I don’t know how long. It seems like forever. She only waits until I’m quiet again.
“Ma said for you to come eat with us. She actually said for you to come live with us. You know she wishes you were her daughter. Interested?”
Reaching out, I pull a tissue from the box on my nightstand. I figured it was just easier to leave it there.
“Your mom is one of the few people he likes.” My voice is a wreck.
“Dude. Everybody loves my mother. Can you imagine how hard it is for me trying to fill her shoes?”
She’s doing her best to make me laugh. I wish it would work.
“He left me, Rubes.” The crack in my voice almost starts my tears again.
“We’re going to have to use names. These male pronouns…”
“Gray left me.” God, the pain in my neck is
so intense. I try swallowing it away, but it’s no good.