Saving Dallas Forever (Saving Dallas 3)

“Please, baby. Just tell me. I can handle it. Whatever you tell me is just between us. I want to know what’s going on. I deserve to know.” I searched his eyes, watching as the pools of ocean-blue stared through me. I had covered all my bases. I had told him I could handle it. I had told him he could trust me, and I had let him know that I was deserving of the truth. When he brought his lips to mine and kissed me softly, I thought I had gotten through. I had beaten the truth out of him using my best tactical weapon. He was going to tell me because I was worthy of the information. His hands came to my face, brushing my hair behind my ears, as he kissed my forehead.

“It’s nothing, babe. Nothing at all.” I could feel his body tense as he forced the lie out of his mouth. His head rested on top of mine, as he held me close to his chest, probably in fear of me running. I closed my eyes and sighed in defeat. I wasn’t sure what hurt more, that he had lied to me, or that he thought I was weak. I pulled out of his grasp and headed to the shower. I stripped my clothes off, not bothering to look at the wounded girl in the mirror. I stepped in, letting the hot spray of water cover my body, watching as it disappeared down the drain, and wishing my problems would wash away with it. A sudden wave of homesickness came over me. I wanted my house, my things, my dog… I wanted my old life. Maybe not for forever, but at least for a little while. I needed to be alone. I needed to process everything that had happened in my life over the past few days. I needed someone who might be able to shine some light on my fucked up situation. Someone not connected with the club. Two hours ago, I had thought I had it all. Now, I felt like I was on the outside looking in. Would I ever belong? Would they ever see me as an equal? Would Maddie ever be able to look at me, confide in me, and treat me the same way she did Red? Would Luke ever see me as the strong woman he could depend on like his other sisters? Or would I just be the woman he loved and kept locked away from harm and discomfort. I sobbed quietly, my salty tears mixing with the fresh water and sliding over my lips, giving me a taste of the pain I felt in my heart. Maddie was right. You can’t be with someone who doesn’t live this life. I thought I was different. I thought I was one of them, but I was just that girl that Luke fell in love with. That girl that Luke was paid to watch over. That girl that took up everyone’s time. That girl that didn’t read the fine print on the love, loyalty, and respect motto. That motto was true, but only applied to certain people. I was loved, because Luke loved me. They were loyal to me, because they were loyal to Luke, and I was a part of him. They respected me because I was the most respected man’s ol’ lady. I stepped out of the shower and came face-to-face with that girl in the mirror; the one that was not a member of the Devil’s Renegades family.

Luke was sound asleep when I made my way back to the bedroom. This would be the first good night’s sleep he had had in a while. He lay on his side facing me, a position that invited me to come lay with him. I couldn’t leave him. I wouldn’t. I was in love with Luke. He was my better, my other, half. Everything he did was to protect me. He couldn’t control how the club treated outsiders any more than I could. This was a family that had been together a long time. Even the newest women had been around for over a year, which was the minimum time their men had to prospect. They were in the same boat as I was. The only difference was that mine was a kayak-that held one, and theirs was a pontoon-that held many. They were accepted because they had done their time, but even they were out of the loop on much of what was going on. Red was the queen in Hattiesburg, and Brooklyn was the queen in Lake Charles. They knew everything, and it was very apparent that they wanted me to know that they were aware of what was going on. I guess it made them feel powerful. As I crawled in beside Luke, letting him cradle me in his arms, another thought hit me. If I stayed around, which I knew I would, to what lengths would Red go just to prove that she was number one? Red was not the type of woman to back down from a fight, nor was she the type to accept second place. She would never let me be the leading lady in Luke’s life, the truest sister to Maddie, or the best aunt to Logan. I shut my eyes, trying to enjoy the comfort of Luke’s arms, hoping they were enough to push thoughts of Red and the club from my mind. I desperately needed a distraction. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough. The job I regretted having to go to now sounded more appealing than ever.