He choked out a laugh then pried her from my body. I helped him put her in the van while the rest of the guys piled in.
The drive consisted of her snoring.
The guys asking if they could draw on her face.
Rae telling us to be mature.
And then me encouraging a stop at the store so we could grab a Sharpie so it would be a permanent reminder of her inability to drink alcohol.
Rae hadn’t drunk much, which I’d known he wouldn’t. He never really did; he was the careful one, solid, the person who could be relied on for everything. Sometimes it looked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.
I guess, in a way, he did.
He carried SWT and our fandom SWEET on his shoulders. Pleasing them was everything, not letting them down, making sure our next comeback was even better than the first two.
The pressure was already starting to build in my chest when I thought about the angry fans, the stage, the accusations—we had less than two weeks.
Sookie was still struggling with the dance for Move.
My mood flashed to the dark place it had been in over the past few weeks. Why even fight so hard when everyone in the world was just waiting for you to fail? What was the point?
I hated it when this happened, when the clouds covered the sun, when my body felt heavy, when I just wanted to sleep and forget about all the comments. Was it so wrong to just want to sing? To rap? To entertain?
It wasn’t enough.
It would never be enough.
And people would always take from you even when you had nothing left to give.
I’d even lost a role in an upcoming K-Drama because of the scandal; they didn’t want my name attached to the series, not that I could blame them.
Why the hell had Byung-Ho taken it that far? I knew he was angry, resentful even, but I never imagined he’d try to hurt my career just because he felt like his was done.
“Hey.” Rae pulled into a parking spot and turned to me with a concerned look. “You good?”
We were back to speaking in Korean; it was just easier for both of us despite our different backgrounds. Honestly, sometimes it felt like I really was losing my ability to speak English since Korean was my default now, so it wasn’t a huge stretch.
I nodded.
He put a hand on my shoulder. “You can talk to me.”
“I know.” No, I couldn’t. He was already dealing with enough stress. And for some reason, talking to him made it more real—I wanted to deal with it on my own, I just wished I knew how to do that—between practices, stress, and sending money to a family who wouldn’t stop calling and complaining that their celebrity son had forgotten about them.
I wanted to throw something.
“Really,” I whispered, voice cracking. “I’m good.” I opened the door before he saw the tears of strain behind my eyes. The guys were already helping Grace from the van.
She was completely out.
I smiled, then realized I was smiling and quickly turned it into a scowl. She wasn’t cute. The guys were just… stressed. Yeah, that’s what it was.
And she was entertaining. That was the word, not cute, entertaining.
“Not it,” Jay said before I could.
Sookie shook his head as if to say, sorry touching girls still terrifies me, which was partially true; he probably wouldn’t even know where to put his hands and would drop her on her head. He’d just turned eighteen, having debuted with us when he was fifteen.
Rae shared a look with me as if to say either you do it or I do, and for some reason, the thought of him touching her made me want to punch a wall—exhaustion did weird things to my emotions.
“Fine.” I scooped her up in my arms and carried her toward the elevator. It was late, and the security team wouldn’t have let anyone but us down there at this hour anyway unless they got approval from management, not that we really had issues with the parking garage.
“Can someone please hit the button?” I heaved her into my arms, causing her head to fall against my chest. With a moan, she wrapped her arms around me and cuddled closer.
I told myself that my reaction was complete and total irritation, the way my heart raced, the way my body tensed.
All stress related.
We piled into the elevator.
Kai pressed a finger to her chin, then pinched it. “Wow.”
“Are we sure she’s alive?” Sookie asked, looking ready to check her pulse; it would be adorable if I wasn’t so annoyed at how heavy she was.
“She should diet with you,” I said, then earned a glare from Rae. I glared back. “What? She’s heavy!”
“You should lift more,” Jay said with a smirk.