My Summer in Seoul

My heart ached for him, for the way he felt about Jay, but also for everything else he said, and even though I was still angry, I understood a little bit more why Lucas was acting the way he was.

I wasn’t his anchor yet.

Maybe he needed to be his own anchor for once.

Hopefully, our fight was pushing him toward that because, at the end of the day, I couldn’t save him. He had to want to save himself.

The lights lowered as the guys walked on stage. The screams were deafening. The place was completely packed.

I wanted to sit rocking in a small corner and squeeze my eyes shut. Instead, I forced myself to watch.

They opened up the song in Korean, adding English words at the chorus. The guys’ dancing was tight.

So tight, I wanted to cry tears of joy.

Even Sookie seemed to be really into it as they fed off the crowd.

The backup dancers accented what the guys were doing, and then it was time for Lucas’s rap line.

I couldn’t look away as he dropped down the middle of the group and just went off in both Korean and English.

His eyes never left mine.

At the end, he saluted the crowd as they all went into their main choreography again.

The music was so loud.

Their voices perfect as they fell into beautiful harmony, reminding me and the rest of the world why they were the best, why people cried when they saw them, why they were merchandised all over the world, from ramen to energy drinks.

And why every single person in every country was obsessed with them, from Russia to the States, to Korea, Mexico…

They were huge.

“Move!” they shouted. “Just move, over, over, feel it, deep inside, let your inner wild fly high.”

They did the famous hip roll.

More screams.

I was sure there were several people who fainted as they moved to the floor segment.

Dae-Jung stilled next to me.

Jay was such a good dancer; it was almost a crime as he grinded nearly against the ground, his sexy smile on full star mode.

Yeah, no matter your sex, you would want Jay, like he would literally make you question if you were straight.

I laughed to myself, I could even see poor Kevin being like, so I’m confused like, I like girls, but that Jay…

I shook my head.

Proud of them.

Proud of the performance as it ended and the crowd went wild. The guys paused, staring out at everyone, faces still serious.

It was something I’d had to get used to.

The fact that they paused that long.

But it started to make sense when I realized they weren’t just posing, they were looking at their fans, they were going, hey, we did this for you, what do you think?

It was cute.

And it was necessary, a sign of respect.

“One down,” Dae-Jung said, breathing a bit easier.

The fact that he still wanted me to call him Oppa made me laugh, but whatever made him comfortable and made me laugh, right?

The rest of the set went by in a blur.

And then it was all celebrating as Uncle Siu met everyone in the green room, and they shared a group hug.

Pictures were taken for social media and for the label. I snuck out in an attempt to grab a snack or water before we all had to go back to the apartments when I felt someone behind me.

I stopped walking.

“So? How did the addict do?” Lucas said in a bitter voice.

I hung my head. “You were incredible.”

“But it won’t last, right?” He was pissed, so pissed. Shit.

I looked over my shoulder. “What do you want, Lucas? Do you want me to apologize for being honest? For being a true friend?”

He ground his teeth. “You are not my friend.”

Tears welled in my eyes. “You’re right. I’m just some intern you kissed, right?”

His eyes flashed.

And then full costume, makeup and all, he was grabbing me by the arm and dragging me down the hall, past wardrobe, and into a small dark room with electrical equipment.

He shoved me against one of the walls, leaned in, and whispered, “Fuck. You.”

“You got me alone just to say that?” I snorted out a laugh. “Wow, all right, thanks—”

He kept me pinned there, chest heaving. And then he was kissing me again, his hands pulling my hair so hard it almost hurt.

I clung to him, desperate for him, knowing that he was hurting too.

He pulled back, his eyes filled with tears. “I didn’t mean to…” He hung his head. “I did, I just… you’re mine.” He said it so calmly, his eyes searching mine. “I know I was wrong, and I know we have things to discuss. I just, I can’t watch you, Grace. I can’t watch you with anyone else and not think—mine.”

My body suddenly betrayed me, and I ended up snaking my arms around his neck as he held me close, cursing against my mouth like I was the problem in this scenario.