My Summer in Seoul

At night I’d sit outside the piano room and listen to his pain, and every night I’d pray he would share it with me.

Only to have him walk past me as if I was invisible.

I told myself it was time to have fun and to not focus on him or what had happened between us or even try to fix it.

Once we got to the restaurant, I was already deep in conversation with Jay while Sookie and Kai ordered drinks for us. Rae came and sat next to me, wrapping an arm over the back of my chair.

I scooted away a bit.

I didn’t want Lucas to get the wrong idea, that I’d just switched band members when my heart still ached for him in a way that made zero sense.

“What are you drinking?” Rae asked, leaning into me.

I gave a panicked look to Sookie, who immediately pulled in a chair and pointed at the menu.

“Ohhh…” I leaned toward him instead. “You know I love a good red wine.”

He winked and nodded.

Rae tilted his head. “You guys have gotten close, haven’t you?”

“She’s our sister from another mister,” Kai announced, then frowned. “Wait, is that the right translation?”

We all burst into laughter, including Solia, who was drinking a glass of soju mixed with beer and staring at Kai like he hung the moon. And maybe to her, he had.

He looked back at her and whispered something, then stood. “I’m going to walk her to the bathroom.”

I rolled my eyes. Was that what the kids were calling it these days?

Next to me, Sookie did the same.

Jay stared down at his phone.

I shot him a sad look, then mouthed, “Text him.”

“I can’t,” he mouthed back, looking around at the rest of the group members.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair that he could be attracted to someone and not call him because of what people would say.

It wasn’t fucking fair.

My eyes filled with tears.

Jay noticed right away. “Grace, I think I left something in the van.”

“I’ll help.” I jumped to my feet and followed him.

The minute we were out of the private room, I collapsed against him as he held me close. “It’s fine, Grace.”

“No!” I sniffled. “It’s not fine. You should be with who you like!”

His smile was so sad my heart strained against my chest in an effort to grab his, to hold on and say it was going to be okay when we both knew it wouldn’t.

“I can wait.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” I said, tears streaming down my face.

He wiped them with his thumbs. “You know, in another life, I would have dated someone like you, maybe even married you.”

I laughed. “I’m too much for you to handle.”

He held me tight. “Yeah, that’s true.”

“I want you to be happy.”

“I know.” He pulled back. “And it means a lot that you don’t care, that you don’t see skin color, sex, anything… You just see…” He nodded. “You see someone’s soul.”

“My summer in Seoul…” I said lamely. “Learning about reading others’ souls and still having a hard time rescuing my own.”

“Well…” His thumb found another tear. “Maybe he’ll come around.”

“Just like maybe you’ll send that text.”

We stood there, lame, upset, sad.

“We should drink,” he finally said.

“Agreed.” I wrapped an arm around his waist. “I’ll miss you.”

He kissed the top of my head. “I’ll miss you too.”

I felt a bit better as we got back to the room, only to find everything in absolute chaos. Solia clung to Kai, screaming. Sookie was on the phone firing something off in rapid Korean.

Lucas was nowhere to be found.

Uncle Siu was on the phone, covering his face with his hand. Rae was on the phone, frantic.

“What’s going on?” Jay asked.

“Lucas ran out.” Rae’s face paled. “His dad called. His mom just got in a car accident. She didn’t make it.”

Chapter Thirty-One

Is it even worth it?

Lucas

I ran out.

I abandoned everyone.

That was all I was good for, right? Abandoning.

I’d abandoned my parents because I couldn’t take it anymore.

I’d abandoned my town because it was too hard living with my parents.

I’d abandoned my friends.

My school.

All for a dream I hadn’t even known was possible.

I’d decided to become a trainee.

And I had left my past behind.

I’d never looked back.

Not once.

But my past never let me go. It came knocking the minute I was making money, the minute I bought my first pair of designer shoes, the minute I won a Grammy. The minute my parents wanted something and told me I owed them for the years of raising me.

It came back like a ghost when my dad started gambling my money away, when my mom needed more plastic surgery and purses—when the house was suddenly not big enough.

When nothing was good enough.

When I wasn’t good enough.

My legs were hollow as I waited at the crosswalk.

Would it even matter?

If I just walked right into traffic?