She was right.
She’d been right.
It had just hurt to feel it.
To hear it.
And it had hurt more coming from her, from someone who shouldn’t have seen but did.
It was shameful.
Embarrassing.
It was so many things I couldn’t even speak out loud.
“Grace…” My voice cracked as tears filled my vision. “Grace?”
She moaned, turning on her side facing me, her eyes fluttered open. “Are you really here?”
“No. I’m a mirage,” I said.
“Oh.” She seemed defeated. “It’s good you don’t care, you know. If you did, I’d be more sad. It would hurt too much. I don’t know how much more I can hurt.”
Shit.
Fuck it.
I reached for her, moved to her bed, and pulled her into my arms, careful in case she was more injured than she looked, even though I didn’t see any bandages but a small one on her forehead plus the ones on her arm. She shivered and then tucked her head against my neck. “This is a nice dream.”
Yeah. It was.
A dream where we could exist without all the hurt between us.
A dream where I could be with her and not ruin SWT or my own career.
“Yeah,” I finally said aloud. “What a great dream…”
I held her tight while she rested her head against my chest, and I let myself feel it all.
The pain.
The depression.
The darkness.
My arms braced around her body. My breathing wasn’t normal. I felt like I might die there, sinking deep into her bed, disappearing forever while the darkness consumed me.
But I still let myself feel it all.
Everything that haunted me.
Everything she’d called me out on.
“Are you happy?” she’d asked, tears filling her eyes.
NO! I screamed in my head.
NO!
Tears slid down my cheeks as I held her tight, refusing to let go even though I should.
An hour went by.
Then another.
I refused to sleep.
After the third hour, she stirred awake and sat up. I released her and waited for her to yell, for her to scream. I would deserve it, after all.
Instead, she leaned down and cupped my face with her hands, which shook against my skin. “Are you real?”
“Yeah,” I whispered, my voice raspy. “I’m real.”
She nodded. “Good.”
“Grace, I—”
She shook her head. “Don’t talk. Don’t ruin this moment.” And then she was kissing me, and I was opening up to her.
To this girl who saw too much.
Who deserved even more.
And yet she was kissing me.
Choosing me.
I pulled her close and realized in that moment I hadn’t needed a sex talk from Jay. I hadn’t needed to know all the right words to say or the things to do.
I just needed her.
And that was enough.
Everything else was extra.
Everything else could just exist.
What I couldn’t live without was the way she looked at me as if I was enough when I’d fallen so short so many times. When I’d been such a jerk to her for being honest with me.
I clung to her, careful not to hurt her arm or touch her face too roughly, dipping my head against her neck and breathing in her scent. “I’m so sorry.”
“For almost dying?” she asked. Her voice was hoarse, her body felt frail in that moment, and I hated it. “Or for being an asshole?”
I pushed the hair away from her face and cupped her chin. “Both.”
“Oh, so you’re admitting being an asshole now?”
“Yes.” I wanted her to yell at me, to fight me, to tell me I was wrong, that I was the worst of the worst.
Instead, she was smiling at me.
“I didn’t want to hear it.”
“Yeah, caught that.”
“Sometimes…” I licked my lips. “Sometimes, hearing the truth is harder than living the lie.”
“Does this mean we can be friends again?” she asked, pressing her body against mine.
I stirred despite every effort to calm my body down. “No.”
She exhaled, and her body seemed to deflate. She looked away.
“Because we were never friends, Grace.” I captured her mouth. I told myself it would be a fast kiss, that I’d leave her room, sneak past Rae, and get some sleep.
Instead, my tongue slipped into her mouth.
I told myself it was an accident, just like I told myself again that I was going to leave in another few minutes.
Grace moaned in my mouth.
I gently flipped her onto her back, our legs tangled in the sheets as our bodies moved in sync, ready for more.
“Grace?” Rae knocked. “Are you okay? I heard a noise? Do you need another pain pill?”
Grace covered my mouth with her good hand. “No, I’m good, just had a nightmare. I’m going back to sleep. You can go to your room, Rae. I promise I’m okay.”
“I’ll stay here.”
“No!” she said quickly. “It makes me sad thinking of you on the floor, and then I can’t sleep.”
He was quiet. “I can always come in there…”
Fuck.
I stiffened above her.
Her face fell. “Rae, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I really appreciate you watching out, but you have a big day tomorrow. Just get some sleep. I’ll make pancakes or something in the morning.”