My Summer in Seoul

“Promise?” he asked.

“Promise.” A tear slid down her cheek.

A tear for Rae.

A tear for my friend.

For my brother.

The guy we were both lying to.

The guy who loved her more than he should.

How had this happened? How had it gotten this messed up?

I moved away from her, unable to even look at myself in the mirror, let alone kiss her with my best friend just feet away from the bed I was lying with her in.

I shook my head when she opened her mouth.

Because if she asked me to stay, I would.

If she asked me to get naked, I would.

If she asked me to quit SWT… I would.

And that was a dangerous place to be in.

So dangerous.

“Okay,” said Rae. Shuffling sounds of movement filtered through the door. “I’m going to go grab a few hours. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Okay,” she said quickly. “Thanks, Rae.”

“Of course.” He yawned loudly, and then his footsteps retreated away from her door.

When no more sounds of movement came through the door, I exhaled in relief.

I sat on her bed and waited a few minutes before standing.

She grabbed my hand. “You don’t have to—“

“Thank you.” I hung my head. “For saving me when I couldn’t save myself.” Tears built up in my eyes. “I hate that you’re right, that I don’t even know who I am anymore outside of SWT, outside of who people see me as… and I want to work on it, I want to face it. I’m just scared.” I released another sigh as though expelling deep breaths would somehow remove the toxic darkness from my body. “Will you help me?”

She nodded. “Of course.”

Despite the sadness blooming inside me, a smile stretched my lips. “Do I get a reward each time I do a good job of not being an asshole?”

“Nope.” She laughed. “Nice try, though.”

“Damn it.” I smirked, then leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I really am sorry.”

“I know. Just promise me that when you get in a dark place, you won’t go walking into oncoming traffic.” She paused, then, “I’m sorry about your mom; I can’t even imagine…”

“Yeah.” I hadn’t digested the fact that my mom was dead. I’d only thought of Grace, and now I was thinking about my mom, the woman who’d raised me, who had taken everything from me and told me I was not enough and never going to be.

“Do you want to talk about her?” Grace sat up.

I shrugged. “Nothing much to tell. She raised me, fed me, sent me to school, told me I’d never make it as an idol, then took everything from me once I hit it big.”

Grace’s face fell. “Did she ever say she loved you, or she was proud?”

I snorted. “On camera, all the time, you’d think she was the mom of the year. She should have been an actress. We moved back to Seoul after my grandparents died and never looked back. I found out later it was because they left her a bit of money and a house. It had nothing to do with her grieving. Meanwhile, I was devastated. I’d never met them… so moving back into their house felt like I was a part of them, a part of something.” I cringed. “She sold everything worth money, bought purses, a brand-new car. My dad didn’t stop her. And I couldn’t bear it anymore. I’d come home to both of them arguing about money, and I just, I couldn’t. I studied hard, and there was an audition for the label. I saw it as an escape.”

“But you can’t run forever,” Grace said sadly.

“No,” I agreed. “Your past always catches up.”

“I’m not sure how funerals go here, if they’re weeks or days, or if you set up a viewing. I’m truly clueless—but I’ll go with you—whatever you need to do, to respect the life she had even if you don’t respect her. I’ll go.”

I couldn’t answer her.

I didn’t deserve her.

But I would take her up on it.

Because I needed her.

More than she would ever know.

“Yeah.” I agreed. “I would like that.”

“Okay.” She lay back down. “Go sleep, Lucas.”

“Don’t tell me what to do, Grace,” I said like before.

“Kiss me, Lucas,” she whispered.

“Okay.” I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her mouth. “I don’t mind orders like that.”

“Don’t leave me again…” A fresh sheen of tears flooded her eyes.

“I promise.” I kissed her forehead. “I promise.”

Chapter Thirty-Three

Good things come to those who wait…

Lucas

It had been three weeks since the accident. Things had gone somewhat back to normal after laying my mom to rest. My dad, being the asshole he was, actually asked me to pay for everything.

I did without complaining.

And when Grace held my hand as I stared at my mom’s picture, I told myself the only reason I was able to do the right thing was because I had Grace by my side.