My Summer in Seoul

“I gotta go.” I hung up the phone before Kevin could do or say anything, and then I did what I’d been doing for four straight weeks.

I pulled the covers over my head and cried.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

It’s not over until I say it is…

Lucas

“You’re in a good mood,” Jay said as I threw my shoes against the wall and leaned my head against it. “You gonna break out into song and dance or…”

“Shut up,” I snapped. “I’m just tired.”

“This isn’t about paying a certain reporter off then covering up a story about being in love only to lie to everyone, yourself included, then asking the label to send the one girl you love away, right?”

I didn’t know how to even begin to respond to that.

Rae and I still weren’t talking.

He felt like I’d betrayed him by not saying something.

I felt like he’d betrayed me by not admitting he knew about us.

And the final nail in the coffin was me calling the label to say I was going public with her only to find out that a picture of her and Rae had already surfaced, making it impossible for me to do anything.

There would be no coming back from her being seen with both of us, kissing us, no coming back—for her or for the group.

And I knew Grace. If I would have asked her what was more important, she would have told me to take care of the group, and I would have hated myself for agreeing with her, for even asking her.

So I did it.

I sacrificed us temporarily in hopes that things would blow over, that I could go to her. Instead, our group blew up even more, to the point that we couldn’t even sneak out anymore.

Getting McDonald’s would be a chore.

And not just in Korea, but also in the States, where we got bombarded by paparazzi at a grocery store only to get chased out by screaming fans.

It was too much, too soon, because my feelings were still too raw. I still tasted her mouth; I still felt her skin on mine.

I still wanted her so much it hurt.

I hung my head in my hands and slid down the wall onto the floor. I was so sick that I felt like I was going to puke.

“I wouldn’t go in there—” Kai’s voice came from the hallway.

The door opened.

We had ten minutes before another interview. We’d been in Seattle all of one day, and I could have sworn I felt her everywhere, even in the stupid rain.

“Hey…” Rae sat down next to me on the floor.

“Not now.” I gritted my teeth. “Just… I can’t argue right now.”

“I’m not gonna argue,” he whispered. “You know, I always thought you had it too easy. You were always so talented, so fun to be around, and then I felt this insane need to protect you from the world when your sad excuse for a mother wouldn’t.” He cursed. “And I was jealous, always jealous that despite what you came up against, you always came out just fine…” He swallowed. “Even when it came to Grace. I thought you really did hate her, and I liked her. All I kept thinking was finally, finally, someone for me, someone I could love and rely on, someone who got me. But slowly she started pulling away, gravitating toward the only person who could ever make me feel jealous—you.”

Tears filled my eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know.” He put a hand on my shoulder. “And I never wanted to turn into the jealous bastard that pushed you so far you felt like you had no choice but to save the group and send her away.”

“Yeah.” My voice cracked. “What’s done is done.”

“Do me a favor?”

I sighed. “Really?”

Rae smiled. “Just answer the questions honestly during this interview, okay? Promise me?”

What was he talking about? I shrugged. Whatever. “Fine. I promise.”

“Good.” He smiled. “Good.”

“Are you illegally smoking weed here in Seattle?”

He laughed. “No.”

“You sure?”

“Ask Sookie that question.” He laughed. “Actually don’t, that’s a bad idea; you never heard that from me.”

The guy knew everything, I swear.

I got to my feet, put on my jacket, and looked in the mirror. I missed her so damn much.

How did I even begin that conversation with her? Where I told her I was protecting her? That I cared for her but that I cared for four other people too? How did I save her and protect the group I’d sworn to stay with?

How did people even deal with this?

“Gwaenchanha?” Sookie asked if I was okay, his smile a bit conniving, which was unusual for him.

My eyes narrowed. “Are you okay?”

He rubbed my shoulders then slapped my ass, shoving me into the studio to find my chair for the interview with the US record label.

We had a whole bunch of thirst tweets to read—again, and a few questions from loyal SWEETS in the States.