Or maybe he was the only insane one.
It surely felt like he was losing his mind, torn apart by two completely opposite desires and emotions. Is he all right? I hate him so much. I need to see him. I never want to see that lying asshole again. I need him. I hate him—hate him for not caring for me even a little bit. Fuck him, screw him.
I miss him.
***
Liam wasn’t sure if he hated the country estate’s quietness or the bustling social life of the city more.
A social life was a pretty good distraction, but it was exhausting to smile and laugh when he felt nothing like it. He remembered enjoying attending parties and balls all those months ago, but it felt like it was in another life. Now they all seemed as fake and superficial as his own smiles. But he kept smiling anyway. He was good at it. He’d always been good at it. Everyone probably thought he was having a grand time.
Liam wasn’t sure if he was that good an actor or just no one cared enough to look and see. He suspected it was the latter.
Jules’s wedding was fast approaching and their presence was required more often by the wedding planners. Jules was pretty hopeless at all the customs and traditions, so most of the planning fell to Liam while Jules preferred spending his days—and nights—with his fiancé. Liam generally wouldn’t have minded, but considering how mentally exhausted he felt, he wasn’t exactly at his best and probably wasn’t very helpful.
The Earl of Terlaine’s—Michael’s—visits didn’t help matters. It seemed the earl was at the limits of his patience, and wanted to officially seal their courtship. He was pushier now. It didn’t take Liam long to realize why when he saw Michael speaking to Ant. His brother was perfectly amicable toward Michael and clearly approved of him. Part of Liam wondered what Michael thought of the hostility the impostor had displayed toward him, but like all people under NDA, Michael didn’t speak of it. It was terribly convenient, Liam had to admit, but he couldn’t deny that he almost wanted that confrontation. Almost wanted someone to acknowledge that what had happened wasn’t just some hallucination. That he had existed.
“For fuck’s sake, Li,” Ant said after they returned from yet another ball. “Stop stringing the man along. He’s a catch, and he’s not secretly a creep. What’s stopping you from accepting his suit? He’s the best option.”
The best option is someone who’ll make you happy.
Looking away, Liam wrapped his arms around himself and shrugged. “I’m just not certain we suit,” he said. “By the way, Uncle Wayne’s trial is soon. Do you think he’ll get a life sentence?”
Ant’s blue eyes hardened. They were lighter blue than... Not as striking and deep, but intense in a different way. “I think he will, considering the illegal experiments he conducted on Westcliff.”
“I thought Westcliff didn’t want to make it public,” Liam said, somewhat surprised. When Jules had told him a few days ago that Westcliff had turned out to be his first mate, the feral Xeus Uncle Wayne had experimented on all those months ago, it had been something of a shock. It was hard to believe the royal family had managed to keep it quiet, but then again, they had probably used the NDA-tech to prevent any leaks.
“He doesn’t want to make it public,” Ant confirmed, his lips twisting. “Politics. But it doesn’t mean that wouldn’t influence the judge.”
“You’re very cynical,” Liam said.
Ant gave a short laugh. “Maybe. But you’ll see that I’m right soon enough. For once, politics will be good for something. Now stop avoiding the subject. Do you want Terlaine or not? If you don’t, why are you stringing him along?”
Liam looked away. How could he tell his brother that he had been just trying to make himself fall in love with Michael—trying and failing? He could only laugh now as he remembered confidently telling Jules months ago that love would come with time. Gods, he had been so foolish. Foolish and naive. It was impossible to make himself fall in love with someone—just as it was impossible to stop loving someone.
His stomach clenched at the thought.
“He’s the best option,” Liam repeated. “And I’m not stringing him along. I made it clear to him that there is no understanding between us and I’m not yet certain that we suit. If he chooses to stick around regardless, that’s his choice.”
The piercing look Ant gave him made him uncomfortable. “And there’s no other reason?”
“There isn’t.”
He walked away, feeling… feeling like shit, to be honest.
It had been two months. Two months since he’d last seen him. Any attempts to get some information about him from Ant had been fruitless because of the NDA Anthony was under. Liam hadn’t tried very hard. He didn’t want Ant to suspect anything. It would be beyond mortifying if his brother found out that Liam had had sex with the man Liam had thought was Ant. Nope, he wasn’t talking about that with Ant. Like, ever.