Western Waves (Compass 3)

“I’m sorry, Damian. Maybe it can turn out for the better once you finally know at the end of all of this?”

“It’s fine, really, Stella. Besides, maybe I need to get over the past to focus on our new future.”

Sometimes one had to let go of their yesterdays in order to reach their better tomorrows.

Stella asked me to come to the doctor’s appointment with her, so of course I attended. I wanted to be there for it all. For every in and out, for every moment of the journey.

“Will we know if it’s a boy or a girl?” I asked her as we waited for the doctor to come in for the ultrasound.

She laughed. “I think it’s a bit too early for that.”

“Right, of course.” I grimaced. “Just curious.”

“Do you want a boy or a girl?” she asked. My hand was holding hers, and I had no plans of letting go any time soon.

“Either way, I’d be happy.”

The doctor came in to start the ultrasound, and I couldn’t hide my nerves. My hands were sweaty, my legs shaky. As she placed a clear gel on Stella’s stomach and began moving a tool across her abdomen, I piped up. “Is that the heartbeat?” I asked.

“No, just the machine,” the doctor explained.

“Oh.” I frowned while Stella giggled at me.

“But this,” she said, smiling my way, “is the heartbeat.”

Stella began crying, covering her mouth as we stared at the screen. She looked over at me and saw the emotions I was trying not to release in front of a doctor. “That’s ours,” Stella whispered.

I bent toward her and kissed her tears again.

“I’m shocked at how much I can actually see,” Stella commented.

“Well, yes, it’s amazing, isn’t it? You’ll be able to know the sex in only two or three more weeks,” the doctor said.

I raised an eyebrow. “We can tell that so soon?”

“Oh yes, seeing how you are already at the three-and-a-half-month mark, we could be able to, if you want to know.”

Stella sat up straight. “I’m sorry, what?”

The doctor paused the movement of the tool. “I’m sorry, is there an issue?”

“Uh, yeah. You just said I’m three months pregnant.”

“Yes. I’m sorry, I thought you knew.” The doctor looked at us both and saw panic.

No.

We didn’t know.

Stella and I were not sleeping with one another three months ago.

Stella and I were hardly even friends.

Which meant that the child… the baby… our baby…

Her baby…

Wasn’t mine.

It felt as if a semi-truck slammed against my chest and ripped away a dream I hadn’t even had time to settle into. A reality that I craved was no longer mine to hold.

The child was Jeff’s—not mine. My already battered and bruised heart shattered into a million more pieces.

31

Stella

* * *

We drove home in silence. Both of us were uncertain what to even say to one another. I felt as if I owed Damian an apology, yet I wasn’t sure how to phrase it.

Hey, sorry I’m an awful human and got you excited about the idea of a child after you struggled your whole life searching for a family, just to have that dream that made you so happy ripped away right in your face, ha-ha. My bad. Do you want to go get frozen yogurt?

Yeah, no. I felt like the worst person alive.

When we pulled up to the house, Damian climbed out of the car quickly, walked over to my side, and helped me out. Still, no words from him. I saw the sadness dripping out of his eyes, but he still pushed out a smile. I never knew smiles could mirror frowns so deeply.

“Thank you,” I softly spoke.

He nodded as his response, unable to find words.

We headed inside, and he muttered something about going to get some work done. I didn’t push him because I knew his mind had to be running on speed. I spent some time in my bedroom, staring down at my cell phone, uncertain of what I should tell Jeff. I mean, I had to tell him, right? Of course.

The thought of speaking to him was enough to make me feel nauseous.

I couldn’t even deal with that idea without first trying to repair things with Damian.

After a little too much swirling of my stomach, I went to the kitchen to prepare some decaf peppermint tea. When I reached the countertop, I looked out at the ocean and saw something I hadn’t seen since I moved back into my childhood house. Damian was out there, shirtless with his pants rolled up, standing in the ocean.

His built physique was relaxed, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing out there. I set my mug down and began walking out toward the water. When I reached the waves, I called out to him.

“Damian? Are you okay?”

He turned to see me, and the emotions bled out from his soul. He didn’t say a word.