Shelter (Heroes of Big Sky 2)

“It wasn’t your fault,” I remind him.

“Yeah, it was. And I’m sorry, son. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I’m fine now.”

“So fine that you think you can’t have babies,” he counters. “Hell, Seth, we all have baggage. I couldn’t listen to loud noises for years after I got home. Still don’t like them. I was married to a woman who systematically tried to ruin my life, hurt my kid. And when I got here, you were so angry, you refused to be in the same room with me, and I was scared of my own shadow. But with time and love, we figured it out.”

“I’ll never forget that Fourth of July,” I say softly as the memory forms perfectly in my mind. “That first Fourth of July at the beach celebration, when you thought the fireworks were gunfire and covered me, trying to save me. I realized how much you loved me and that everything I’d been told before was just a lie.”

“Just like what you’ve told yourself for all these years is a lie,” he agrees. “Being damaged doesn’t mean you can’t heal. That you can’t have wonderful things. Like children. Just don’t do what I did when I found out that Jillian was pregnant with the twins.”

“Oh, definitely don’t do that,” Josh agrees.

“What did you do?”

Dad sighs and rubs his forehead. “I might have accused her of getting pregnant on purpose and lying to me about being infertile.”

I stare at the man I love more than almost anyone. “I want to punch you so hard right now.”

“Trust me, she punished me. We’ve both had a hard time, you and I.”

“Wait. When she left us, and you said that sometimes things just don’t work out, that was why?”

“Yeah.”

“And then Kensie showed up here, and Jillian stood up for me, punched Kensie out, and Jillian still left that day. Because you’re stupid?”

“Oh, yeah, I was stupid. Was is the operative word there.”

“Sometimes, you’re still stupid,” Josh says philosophically.

“For fuck’s sake, I wouldn’t accuse Remi of trapping me or something.”

“Yeah, don’t do that. They really hate that,” Dad says and rubs a hand over his chest as if that’s where Mom shoved him.

“What did Remi say this morning?” Josh asks. “Does she think she’s pregnant?”

“She actually didn’t sound excited at the thought, either, and then she gave me some fake smiles and said that everything would be okay. Of course, I was an idiot and didn’t do much to reassure her. But damn it, I was freaked out.”

“It’s perfectly okay if you’re not ready for kids today,” Josh says. “You and Remi haven’t been together that long, and it came as a surprise. But I hope you reconsider thinking that you can’t ever have kids, or that you’d be a bad father. Because that couldn’t be further from the truth, Seth.”

“I agree,” Dad says. “You’ve come a long, long way since you were that scared, angry boy. You’re strong, you’re good, and the only thing you got from Kensie is that weird cowlick in the front of your hair. There’s nothing of her in you.”

I take a deep breath. I feel a lot better after talking with them. Maybe I could be a dad.

Just hopefully not yet. Not today. I want time to get used to the idea. To spend with Remi. Hell, I just found her. I want time with her.

“Let’s go ride the fence,” I suggest. “It’ll help clear my head, and I won’t be such a jerk when I go home later. I’m glad I talked to you both. I have some thinking to do, but I’m not quite as messed up as I was when I got here.”

“You’ll be a good dad,” Dad says and tugs my hat off so he can ruffle my hair. “The fact that you’re worried about being a good parent says a lot.”

“And if you screw up, we’ll be here to razz you about it,” Josh adds. “Maybe you should buy Remi flowers or something. Just to cover your ass.”

Chapter 19

~Remi~

“Oh, this is bad.” I bury my face in my hands and rub my eyes as I hear Seth’s truck drive away. I feel like shit. I’ve been much better since the day I got so sick, but I’m still not one hundred percent. And from the look on Seth’s face just now, I’d say he’s not okay with the thought of a pregnancy. I’ve never seen him look so scared, even that day up in a snowstorm in the park.

He ran out of here like the house was on fire.

And why wouldn’t he? We both have parent issues, and so much to talk about before we even start to think about having kids. But he’d be a great parent. I know he would.

“Jesus, Rem, you don’t even know for sure you’re pregnant.”

I brush my hair, loop it into a simple bun, and dress in blue jeans and a sweatshirt. Without even thinking about coffee or breakfast, I take off toward town.