He had struggles. I knew he did. I knew. I knew him better than anyone right now.
I knew he feared being like his father.
I knew he feared being absent and cold like his mother.
I knew he worried about marriage, fearing it’d only end in divorce.
Those are all seriously valid struggles, and I waited. I had struggled at times, but I made a conscious decision. I loved my man. I was his ride or die. I’d be at his side, always, but now I was pregnant, and I was in my thirties.
I wasn’t waiting anymore.
Oh.
Wow.
Okay.
I touched my stomach, looking down.
Holy fuck, little dude or dudette. You’re with me, no matter what. You lucked out. You got this momma as your momma, and I’m going to be the best damn momma I can be. Got that?
I closed my eyes and sent out another thought.
Mom, it’d totally be amazing right now if I could feel you, if I could become psychic and communicate with you. I waited. Nothing. But no, I could smell her perfume, and just like that, Thanks, Mom. You got a grandchild coming. Tell me you’re happy. I love you. I miss you.
And I swear, I swear I could hear her say I love you back to me.
Then my phone rang.
Logan calling.
4
Earlier
The airport was bustling when we got there. The snow wasn’t helping, but Logan took my hand and began weaving through the lines. We had premier access to get through the security lines faster, and when we approached, the two workers started smiling.
“Logan, my man.” The first guy held his hand up, and Logan met it with his.
“Raj, how’s it going?”
The guy’s eyebrows shot up. “Same as always. It’s going, but how are you? Tell me your brother’s team is going to do better this year.”
Logan laughed, handing over his ID, and he motioned to me, showing both of our tickets. The other worker, a woman, cleared us both, but she listened to Logan and her coworker have an entire conversation.
The guy’s name was Rajdo. After Logan skimmed over talking about Mason’s football team, I learned that Rajdo had a wife pregnant with their fifth kid. They were having a hard time planning their older son’s Bar Mitzvah, and they needed to head south later in the month for his niece’s quinceañera. The woman worker’s name was Sandra. She hated Mason’s team, but since she knew Mason was Logan’s brother, she said he was ‘alright’ in her books. And she said all that with a wink and a smile my way.
No one else was behind us, but when a couple of guys started down our lane, pulling business carry-ons behind them, we moved into the actual security line.
It was the same effect there, except the workers knew me.
We got so many ‘Heya, Logan’ and ‘Taylor! Why are you still with this guy?’ that other passengers began pulling out their phones. One girl’s eyes got big, and she started typing fast on her phone.
Logan, by himself, wasn’t famous, but because of Mason’s football fame, Samantha’s Olympic record, and Nate’s relation to Blaise DeVroe, some fans online had taken to knowing who everyone was in our group. That included Logan and Nate. Because of all of that, I was guessing the girl was the only one who recognized Logan for being Logan Kade.
“How’s the hospital going?” The question came from the last security agent as she waved me through.
I moved aside, grabbed my tote as it came down the conveyor belt, and began putting my items back into my bag. Logan had moved forward to a bench, doing the same.
I shrugged. “It’s still there. What can I say?”
She gave me a soft smile, her gaze looking me over. “Well, safe travels wherever you and the mister are going.”
I finished up, shrugging on my bag. “Thank you, Tracy.”
Her smile got wide.
They wore name tags, but we always tried to go through this security line, and Tracy was studying to be a nurse, so there was an extra connection between us. She always acted like I wouldn’t know who she was, but you don’t forget a fellow nurse or who’s going to be a fellow nurse.
Logan was standing, ready to go, when I got to him. He took my hand, lacing our fingers as we started for our gate.
“How long do we have?”
He glanced at me. “Not long. They start boarding in twenty minutes.”
I nodded as we kept going.
Everything was last minute, but Logan and I each traveled so much that we knew the process.
Except for this time, I was finding that I didn’t totally.
When we got to the gate, Logan would typically find a place for us to sit, and he’d head off, making the social rounds. He knew the drivers going past or the front desk people. He knew a couple of the maintenance staff.