Ashley Vs. Boss

I shrug. Whatever, I'm willing to do that. Besides, the room has pretty much filled up with people and a few of them are starting to stare at us. I'm not worried about them. If I choose Ashley as the woman to stand next to me, I expect them to fall in line. But I don't want her to get singled out any more than she's been, so I take a step away and head to the podium.

"Thank you for coming, everyone," I say and look toward the dais that has some of my notes. But, unlike the first time I stood here and addressed this group, I don't really need the notes this time.

No, I have them prepared, but I think I can talk pretty much from the heart.

"This magazine used to be great at one point," I tell the crowd and they begin to nod. "But sadly, it's not great now."

There are some gasps and I can see Ashley staring straight at me. She's waiting for something. But what?

Does she know?

But why would she be mad if she knew about the sale?

Whatever. Women are weird. If they weren't so distracting I'm sure life would be a lot less complicated.

Anyways, where was I? Right.

"One of the reasons I bought this magazine was to make it what it used to be," I say out loud. "So I purchased it through Kane Acquisitions, which is a publicly traded holding company. That means that I have a fiduciary duty to cut costs and increase revenue to maximize the value for the shareholders. The true owners."

People are beginning to mill around.

Some of them are turning white.

"But cutting costs usually means more than trimming expense account lunches," I say. "In the last few weeks it's meant layoffs."

Now people are shifting from one foot to another. I better start finishing up before they start getting very nervous.

“I’ve had to make some tough decisions and it’s meant that we’ve not only had to freeze hiring, but we’ve also had to let some of us go,” I say and people are starting to blanch. If I don’t finish soon, people might end up getting sick right here. “I think you’ll all agree with me that the morale of everyone has suffered. Am I right?”

A few people are nodding. Good, they’re still listening.

“I’m here to tell you that the people who have been laid off are going to be hired back,” I tell the audience without delay. I’m seriously worried some of them will faint if I don’t get to the end of my speech. “And to get around the fiduciary duty to Kane Acquisitions, I’ve decided to sell Blush magazine.”

Okay, people are confused. So I better add the last bit in.

“I’m selling the magazine to myself,” I say quickly. People are trying to follow along. “With the new owner being me, as opposed to Kane Acquisitions, I personally own the magazine and I personally have a responsibility to myself that I maximize revenues and cut costs…if I want to.”

I think some people are starting to get the picture of what I’m saying. Ashley is completely frozen.

“And with myself as the owner, I have no shareholders to report to, no expenses to justify, and no cost cutting targets to meet,” I say to the group. “We can make the initial investments needed to hire the best reporters, give out better salaries to retain top talent, increase the benefits package, and upgrade our equipment. We can set the stage to make this magazine great again. And then the money will follow.”

Wow, that was a lot to say in one sentence.

But people are understanding now and instead of looking like they’re going to pass out, the peons are smiling.

Oh fuck, I should probably stop calling them peons probably, shouldn’t I?

“I want you to know that I respect this magazine and the people that work there as a family,” I tell the crowd. “And that’s why I decided to sell it to myself. Because I’m taking a bet on our collective future. I hope you guys stick together and join me in it.”

It starts slowly, but someone from the back starts clapping.

Soon another joins in.

And another.

And then before I know it, the whole room is clapping for me.

As they should, actually.