Three.
That's how many months ago I woke up after some of the most unforgettable, life altering sex I've ever had to find that Cody had left during the night.
After a night of pure and unmitigated passion, I was alone in bed. I remember smelling his pillow and putting it to my face.
It smelled like Cody. Like my stepbrother. The man I loved.
I don't know what exactly I was thinking when I finally got out of bed. I mean, at first I thought maybe he went down to the Starbucks across the street to get some coffee. Or maybe he went to go for a run around the Reservoir.
Five.
That's how many hours after thinking that he'd just gone out for a bit that I realized he wasn't coming back any time soon. That's how many hours it took me to wait for him to call me back and not get any answer. How many hours it took where I sent text after text and heard nothing back. It looked like they weren't even being read. There wasn't much I could do that afternoon but go to Cody's apartment where I rang the doorbell. I'd given up all hope that he was going to come back to my apartment and now I was giving up on dignity as well.
But despite the fact that the doorman let me up, there was no answer. Either he wasn't home or he wasn't opening.
Four.
That's how many hours I waited outside his apartment. I sat next to the door, feeling the hope in my heart start to die. In truth, I probably would've sat there for the rest of the evening if the doorman hadn't come up to the floor. He saw me through the security cameras.
"Mr. Cody left this morning, and hasn't been back," the doorman said to me. "He was holding a suitcase when he left."
I nodded dumbly and realized that was probably my cue. The doorman was being nice but telling me politely I needed to leave.
One.
That's how long I waited. I didn't text him back or leave any more voicemails after a last one telling him to get back to me when he was ready. I sent one email too.
Then I waited. I tried to get my mind off of waiting at first. I went and signed up for another few rounds of kickboxing and yoga at Equinox. But being in the gym reminded me too much of Cody's hot, ripped body. So the next day I set out to the Hamptons to go horseback riding.
But just heading East made me think of Cody and I couldn't make it past the Jamaica station on the Long Island Railroad. I got off and took the E train back to Manhattan, tears in my eyes.
Three.
That's how many weeks I waited before I mentioned anything to Mom. I mean, at first I wondered what I would even tell her.
"Hey, can you tell me where my stepbrother is, because I miss fucking him?" is not something that I could start a convo out with. And on the same note, if I acted too into where Cody was and what he was doing, she'd get suspicious. Then I'd have to come clean and tell her about the whole stepbrother fucking in the end.
So I worked up my courage and made my way over to the townhouse she had moved into after getting married.
Mom's always glad to see me. Even though we live in the same city, we sometimes go more than a week without seeing each other.
At first my mom was glad to see me. She asked the maid to bring us some tea and we sat by the window in the living room so we could catch up.
But it's my mom, you know? She gave birth to me. She knew exactly when something was bothering me.
"Kim, honey," she said to me. "What's bothering you?"
I remember sighing and looking at her. "I have something to tell you," I said and her eyes widened with concern. "It's about Cody and I."
"Your stepbrother?" she asked me. I nodded. "What about him?" she followed up.
"I...think I...might be in love with him," I said hesitantly, looking at signs of reaction from Mom.
There were none. What the hell, I remember thinking.
"We've been seeing each other and we've been...uhm, together a bunch," I said to her.
I was expecting horror.