But I see that single tear run down her cheek. That look of profound sadness. At being given an opportunity she didn't earn.
The sadness of unearned success.
If only I could do something to make her feel better.
If only I could tell her.
16
Christine
Two.
That's how many months Anders and I have been secretly having sex. I mean, that's a really crude way of putting what we've been doing, I know, but until we can be more public about it, it really is secretly having sex. Despite everything else that we may be feeling for each other, it's not like I can randomly kiss him in the hallway like I could if I were anyone else that wasn't his student.
I mean, I can tell that how we got closer and closer. I can tell that when he looks into my eyes he's not just seeing some piece of ass that's going to be moving on at the end of the semester freeing him up to go chase someone else.
The way he looks at me - it's in a way that I really haven't been looked at before, you know? It's kind of scary at first.
But then this happened.
"I don't know if we should go on vacation together after the semester ends," I told him one morning after waking up. We had had some real marathon freaky sex the night before and my clit was sore to say the least. But you know even after sex the next morning when you wake up feeling just as horny? Like all that cumming you did just a few hours ago did absolutely nothing in calming your horniness. Your hormones are just making you go wild.
Yeah, it was that kinda morning. I remember pushing my ass back against that thick, fat cock of his. Anders groaning and putting his arms on my hips, pulling me even closer.
Then he said those words that made me realize this wasn't just a fling between student and teacher.
"Just imagine after this term is ended and we can do this all the time," he said. "We should go on vacation together after the semester. Are you free?".
But what didI hear?
This is what my brain interpreted it as:
"I want to keep banging you, and pretend we're having a normal relationship, but not here where I know people. Lets go do that somewhere where no one knows us, yeah?"
Maybe I was being crazy.
"No, Anders," I said, turning over.
Great, I remember thinking. Now instead of his cock poking and prodding my ass, it was inches from my cooch.
"I'm not going on vacation with you till we know what we're doing together," I told him, looking him in the eyes.
That's when his eyes went all distant.
"I thought you knew, darling," he said in that Mid-Atlantic voice of American aristocracy. "I love you."
Okay, so we were naked. I may have had morning breath. He was still scruffy. But he looked so cute.
"I love you, Christine," he said to me - his dark eyes looking into mine. "You don't have to say anything now, I just wanted..."
But I never let him finish. I was kissing him and running my hands over his body, desperately trying to pull him closer into me. If it was at all possible that we'd be pulled together into the same person - become one being - I would have done it. I wanted to be inseparable with Anders.
When I finally came up for air, I looked at him and smiled. "I hope you realize I love you too," I told him.
* * *
Six.