"I have to go," I tell her, my voice fraught with tension. Before I give her the time to reply, I march out of the library as fast as I can. I make my way toward the chapel, an angry swarm of thoughts stabbing my head from the inside out.
Right now, I have to do what every desperate man does: I have to pray.
Please, God, I think to myself, give me a little help.
15
Connor
I knew that working with the Donovans would be a complicated matter. I just didn’t foresee exactly how truly complicated it’d be. And now that I’m in the thick of it, I can see all sorts of unexpected challenges looming on the horizon.
And now there’s this whole situation with Clarise… I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about her that sets me off, making my heart speed up and my breathing grow shallow. She’s a sin on high-heels and, no matter how careful I try to be around her, I’m always on the verge of turning into a wild animal. Whenever she’s around me, I’m mere seconds away from falling into temptation.
If you think that I shouldn’t be such a hardass about a vow I took years ago, that’s because you don’t really know me. But, then again, we’re just getting to know each other, aren’t we? The thing is, what I want the most is to measure up to the man my father was… And, like he told me countless times, a man’s word is his bond. I gave my word to both God and myself, and I intend to keep it.
But I guess that, as hard as I want to keep my word, Clarise seems to be hell-bent on grinding my vows into dust. I mean, how else would I explain it? She seems to take delight in knowing that she’s making me bend, that devilish smile of hers always on her lips. Ah, her lips… Jesus, I don’t think I’ve ever tasted anything as sweet as her lips.
She tasted just like ripe strawberries, and I still have no idea how I managed to push her away from me. In that moment, all I ever wanted was to pin her against the wall and press my body against hers. I wanted to ravage her, to fuck her like no other man ever has… And I felt the exact sa
me thing in the library. Jesus, I have no idea how I even managed to get out of there.
It’s funny, though—even though I’m an experienced man when it comes to women and sex, I’ve never come across someone like Clarise. All she has to do is look at me and I feel my blood boiling inside my veins, lust making my heart thrash inside my chest.
But, whatever it takes, I have to keep myself (and Clarise, for that matter) on the right path. There’s too much at stake here for me to start my mission with the wrong foot.
"Connor?" I hear Clarise’s voice call my name, and the hair on the back of my neck stands up at once. I’m sitting on the front pews of the Donovan chapel, facing the altar and the large wooden cross hanging overhead, and I just look back at her over my shoulder.
She’s walking down the aisle slowly, her high-heels clicking across the marble floor, and the sway of her hips is almost hypnotizing. My throat grows dry as she approaches, and I have to take my eyes from her to regain my composure.
Even in a chapel, I guess there’s no hiding from her.
"You missed dinner again," she tells me softly, sitting down next to me.
"I needed some time alone," I reply, still avoiding her gaze. "To think… and to pray."
"I was worried you’d get hungry," she continues, her voice caressing my eardrums and making my skin prickle. God, why does she have such a sweet voice? I can’t help but imagine how she’d sound moaning my name against my ear.
"I’m alright, Clarise. But thanks for worrying about me." I turn around on the seat to face her, and I offer her a smile and a nod. I almost expect her to simply nod back at me and walk out, but of course, that’s not what she does. Instead, she reaches for me and places her hand on top of mine.
"Your eyes tell me you’re hungry, though," she continues, and her lips start curling into a dangerous smile. One full of promises, lust, and temptation. A smile that feels like a trap I don’t know if I’ll be able to escape from.
"I’m good," I repeat, but her smile just keeps on widening.
"Maybe your hunger has nothing to do with food… Maybe you’re hungry for something else," she whispers, her fingers falling down from my hand and landing on my leg. I feel my breath quickening, and she starts sliding her fingers up to my inner thigh, her eyes never leaving mine.
I let her do it for a few seconds, feeling her fingertips brushing up my leg, but I grab her by the wrist and make her stop before she can go on.
"Clarise, what are you doing? This is a chapel," I admonish her, but I feel my voice cracking under the weight of desire. My cock is hardening right now, and it’s already pushing against the fabric of my boxer briefs, tenting them noticeably.
"Your cock doesn’t seem to care about that." She lets her eyes fall from mine to my crotch and, surprised by her words, I ease my grip on her wrist. Moving fast, she breaks free from my hold and flattens her hand against my crotch, pressing hard on my cock.
"I want you, Connor," she whispers, leaning in and pressing her lips against my ear. "And I want this hard cock of yours…" she continues, curling her fingers around my shaft and squeezing it tightly.
I’ve been celibate for years, and I was proud of it. But now I see that I only managed to do it because I never really faced temptation. True temptation. And that’s exactly what Clarise is: temptation made into flesh.
"Fuck me, Connor," she whispers again, and I feel my resolve shattering into a million little pieces. "Fuck me hard…"
Turning to her, I place one hand on the nape of her neck and tangle my fingers in her hair. I look into her eyes for a long moment, feeling her fingers around my cock, and then I just lean in and crush my mouth against hers.