"You have to be careful."
"What about?" I ask her, but I think I already know what the answer’s going to be. Ever since my first day as an adviser to the Donovans, I spotted the biggest problem in the family right away.
"You know what about," she sighs. "Earl. I know he’s my brother, but he … he’s not like my father, you know? He wants things to go his way, and when they don’t…. Well, he has a mean and cruel streak to him. And he doesn’t care about anyone—and that includes you. If he has to crush you to get what he wants, that’s exactly what he’ll do."
"I don’t care if he comes after me… I’m a grown man. Besides, he’s a Donovan, and all I’m trying to do is help out your family," I reply, even though I have to acknowledge what she’s saying: Earl doesn’t care about the family. He cares about himself, and if I stand between him and his goals he won’t hesitate to swat me down like a fly. Thing is—I’m not a fly. If he tries to swat me down, he might end up being the one swatted into oblivion. Like I said, I’m in the States to help the Donovans and if I have to crush Earl to help them, that’s exactly what I’ll do.
"You’re just saying that to ease my mind, aren’t you?" she whispers softly.
"Clarise … don’t worry about me. But thank you for the warning … I’ll be careful around all of the Donovans," I finish off, stopping right before the exit door and turning around to look into her eyes.
"You don’t have to be careful around me," she shoots back without thinking twice, and I feel my heart tightening up inside my chest in that lustful manner I’ve come to know so well.
"I have to be especially careful around you," I tell her with a chuckle, fully knowing what she’s getting at. But I won’t let her pull me down into sin again… I won’t allow it. Oh, crap, why does that sound like a lie?
"I also wanted to talk about that. About you and me, Connor," she continues, completely ignoring what I’ve just told her.
"There’s nothing to talk about…" I try and tell her, but I can’t help but feel that I’m lying in the most obvious manner.
"There is…" she replies, lowering her voice into a whisper. Turning toward the door, she grabs the handle and closes it, locking the door with a quick motion of her hand.
I watch her do it, and my brain overheats as I try to determine the best course of action. Deep down, I know exactly what I have to do: I have to open the door, and I have to step out into the sunlight. Sin doesn’t do well under the sun, after all.
But instead of doing that, I remain exactly where I am, waiting as she locks us inside the church.
We’re just going to talk, I try and tell myself, but it’s so blatant of a lie that I almost feel like laughing. I’ll keep in control, I continue, my heart picking up the pace as Clarise takes one step toward me, pursing her lips and looking straight into my eyes.
Fuck, what the hell am I doing? Snapping myself out of the dazed state I’m in, I reach for the door and start turning the handle; that’s when she lays her hand on top of mine and steps between me and the exit.
"Stay."
21
Clarise
"It was a moment of weakness, Clarise. Nothing else," he tells me, the words coming out of his mouth so fast that I just know he's been rehearsing them all day. And, just like my mother, I’ve learned to smell bullshit miles away… And I’m smelling it right now, because what happened between me and him wasn’t just a moment of weakness. I know that, he knows that. Everything else is a complete lie.
And that’s exactly what I tell him.
"I thought that men of God weren’t supposed to lie," I shoot back at him, lowering my voice into a whisper. "We both know it was more than physical weakness. Am I wrong?" I ask, and he just stares into my eyes in complete silence, the air around us growing heavy with electricity. "There’s a spark between the two of us, and I know you can feel it…" I continue, reaching for him and resting one hand on his chest.
The moment my fingertips brush over the fabric of his shirt, Connor moves so fast that all I see is a blur. He curls his fingers around my wrist and takes my hand off his chest, taking one step back and pursing his lips.
"We can’t do this," he tells me, his voice firm and steady, but I can also feel it crack underneath.
"Of course we can’t," I continue, fighting against his hold and somehow managing to free my hand from his fingers. I take it to his chest once again, and this time he doesn’t pull back. "We can’t, we shouldn’t … but here we are."
"Clarise --"
"No … don’t speak," I press my index finger over his lips, silencing him, and take another step toward him. Our bodies are just inches away from each other, and I can feel that simmering heat under my skin. "I know I’ve been a bad girl, but maybe that’s why I want you so much, Connor. Maybe I need a good man."
"I’m not what you’re looking for," he replies, hesitating as he pushes my hand away from his face. "Whatever you think I am, you’re mistaken."
"No, you’re the one who’s mistaken. I need a man like you… I need salvation, and I think that you’re the one that can save me."
"Succumbing to temptation isn’t exactly the best road toward salvation."
"What if this isn’t temptation? What if this is destiny? Maybe you were sent here for a reason, and that reason is me," I insist, placing both my hands on his chest, feeling the contour of his hard pectorals under the palm of my hands.