When I unlock my own door and lock it again behind me, I know I'm not going to do that. It isn't who I am. I've believed in true love since I was young. Even when my degree taught me that love could just be an illusion. Even when everyone who knew my convictions told me that I was just being silly. I believe what I believe, and I'm not going to give that up.
Not because my best friend is hurting, and I fear getting hurt, too. Not because I'm in the minority, being a virgin at my age. And not because good-looking men offer to make one night the best night of my life.
Thomas had talked about freedom earlier today. Holding onto something that's mine, refusing to give it up no matter what, until I'm ready, is my own kind of freedom.
No one can tell me differently.
Thomas
I wake up to my phone vibrating on the bedside table.
"Yeah?" I answer.
"You’re asleep," my father says, sounding irritated.
"I’m seven hours behind you."
I can imagine him shrugging.
"I’m also done with my studies."
"Yes, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about," he says. I grope around on the nightstand for my earphones. When I can't find them, I sigh and roll onto my back, pressing the phone against my ear. "Now that you’re done, you need to come back. You have duties, and Elanda expects it of you to fulfill them."
I close my eyes. "Elanda doesn’t care what I do," I say. "You’re the one that expects it."
"I don’t need to define responsibility for you, Thomas." He pronounces my name with emphasis on the "a," not the "o" like everyone else. "I didn’t spend so much money on a quality education for you to shirk your duties as future king."
"I don’t know when I’m even going to be king. You’re still kicking, right?"
"Don’t mock me. I sent you to America to study. Instead, you learned attitude."
I push myself up. "I learned other things, too," I say.
"Yes. Women. I am under no illusion that you use your stature to your advantage. Your uncle was the same."
I don't argue with him. It grates me when he thinks so little of me, but arguing with him is pointless. He won't listen.
"You need to come back to Elanda and get involved as the prince of the kingdom. Our subjects look up to us. You haven’t come out in public here yet. The people need to know that they have a stable future."
"Do they really care that much?" I ask.
"They care more than you do, a balance that is already heartbreaking."
I rub my fingers over my forehead.
"I expect you to return immediately," my father says.
"I can’t."
"Why not?"
"I have a function. At the university." I'm lying like a child. I just don't want to go back to Elanda. I don't want to learn how to run the country. I don't want to get involved in parliament.
My father sighs. "You gave me a date when your course would finish. This was not accurate?"
"I’m not on the board that organizes the functions. I don’t know when they are until we get the invites."
More lies. Mixers and events are planned well in advance.