"You can’t keep doing this to me," I say to him.
He frowns, taking his hand away. I feel the absence of his fingers on my skin acutely.
"What?" he asks.
I shake my head. "You can’t keep flooring me with all this flattery and beautiful gifts. I can’t keep up. Right now, you’re the most romantic person I’ve ever seen."
Thomas laughs. "I can’t help it," he says. "If you had any idea how you make me feel, you’d understand. Let me show you how you look in my eyes."
Thomas turns his head to me. He leans in toward me. I tip up my head and meet him halfway when he kisses me. His kiss is something I crave now, and his passions are something I miss when I'm not with him.
The kiss is warm and insistent. Thomas lifts his hand and puts it on my cheek. When he holds me like that, I feel delicate and petite. He makes me feel as beautiful as he keeps saying I am. His kisses me eagerly, his tongue slipping into my mouth like he is tasting me.
There are people all around us, and I don't care. Let them look and see what real passion looks like. Right here, right now, I'm exactly where I want to be, doing what I want to do.
When Thomas finally breaks the kiss, I put my head on his shoulder and wrap my arm around his body. He puts his arm around my shoulders, and we drive through the rest of Central Park like that, hand in hand, arm in arm.
Will I end up sleeping with Thomas? A part of me shouts yes. Another part still isn't sure. I've been holding back for so long, I'm not sure if I'll take that step. But if this isn't enough to get me to sleep with a guy, what the hell will it take? Lisa has told me so many times that it isn't a big deal, that I just needed to get my virginity out of the way and enjoy myself.
I look at Thomas. He doesn't know yet that I'm a virgin. Will I tell him? Will we get that far? I know what I feel for him, but I don't know if I can act on it.
If it were up to him, we would've slept together that first night.
I'm not sure what will happen between us in the future. I don't know what we will become, or how a long-term relationship works. I don't even know if this is something that can happen.
What I d know is that right now, I'm deliriously happy.
Thomas
We go back to her apartment after our carriage ride through the park. The last time I was here, we’d gotten dangerously close to sex, and she’d asked me to leave. She’d told me that she hadn’t kicked me out, but it had felt that way.
Our relationship has progressed despite the minor setback, and I'm starting to believe her that it isn't a full rejection.
It's different between us this time. She's more open toward me. Even though we've had so little time together, I feel like I know her a lot better. Normally, I hop right into the sack with women. No waiting. No drawn-out romance. Just instant, animal lust.
But Nicole is forcing me to wait. By doing so, something strange is beginning to happen. She's becoming more than just an object of pleasure or someone to pursue. I'm really starting to like this girl. I don't want to sleep with her for the sake of getting another notch on my bed post, either. This is becoming more than that.
I want to be with her for her, not just for sex. I also want her for sex, but it isn't just to throw one in her and move on with my life. Sex with Nicole feels like it would be the culmination of something bigger.
"What do you want to do?" she asks.
I blink at her. God, I can think of something I'd like to do. I flash on the image of her naked breasts that have been burned into my mind. Just thinking about it gets me hot and bothered. I swallow and lick my lips.
I don’t know what my face shows–maybe a little of what I feel–but she looks uncomfortable. I don't want that with her at all. I want her to be as comfortable around me as we’ve been until now. It's the only reason I don't press her to get physical. Obviously, she doesn't want that. It's almost like she is afraid. When things finally happen between us, and it will happen, I want her to want it, too.
"Let’s watch a movie," I say, opting for something innocent and nonthreatening. It's a sign of how much I like her. If most girls held back the way she does, I'd just head on home, or out to a bar at this point. When it comes to sex, I'm not a patient man. But for some reason, Nicole is different.
She breathes out, as if in relief, and walks to the TV stand. She reaches for a stack of DVDs on the shelf and hands them to me to choose one. I go through them.
"This is not a usual selection," I say.
She shrugs. "I don’t like the type of stuff that everyone else watches."
I nod. Different. Everything about her is like that. I read the back of the DVD covers, trying to decide what to watch. I haven't even heard of most of them. Her eyes are on me as I sort through them. I'm aware of her stare.
I finally settle on one called Le Concert. It's as good as any other, considering I’ve never heard of it and have no idea what to expect.
"This is a good one," she says, taking it from me. "It has a lot of French in it as well. With your apparent language skills, you won’t even need to read the subtitles."