Executive Engagement

Jake

“Good evening, everyone, and welcome to a brand new live broadcast of A Cunning Linguist. I’m your host, Jake Kent, and tonight I have my protégé Toby with me as a guest host. Please welcome him to the show.”

I flash the camera my trademark megawatt grin as the live audience goes crazy for Toby. He really is a (only very slightly) younger version of me. The women obviously find him attractive. Perfect.

When the cheers settle down a bit, I continue my spiel. “We’ve been on hiatus for a few weeks now, and it’s good to be back.” More whoops and cheers. They fucking love me. “So tonight we’re doing something a little different, but don’t worry, I think you’re going to love it.”

Settling in and looking earnestly into the camera, I lay it out for everyone who’s watching. “You’ve probably seen that we’ve been all over the media in the past few weeks. It’s amazing what a national debate our last live broadcast incited. The battle against censorship is real, and I’ve never been afraid to take it on, as you know. I feel passionately that women—and men, but let’s be real, this affects women more frequently—should be free and uninhibited when it comes to their sexuality. So we’re going to discuss whether agencies should have the authority to determine exactly what that means. But we have more than that for you. Tonight, I want to have a roundtable discussion with two key players in the industry. We’re going to dive in and go a little deeper to discuss the ethics behind it in a roundtable discussion. So, let’s get right to it. Let me introduce you to our guests tonight. Please welcome Lori and Layla to the show.”

I watch as Layla accompanies Lori onto the stage and they take their seats at the table across from us, Lori across from Toby, and Layla across from me.

I have no idea if this is going to work. It could still blow up in our faces. But I’m willing to give it a shot.

Extending my hand to Lori, I realize that Toby’s beaten me to it. But holy shit, the way he’s looking at her is totally unexpected. He’s holding her hand in his and smiling at her in that way that makes women want to drop their panties in seconds flat. He learned that from me, by the way. In fact, let’s just take a second and make it clear right here that any game Toby might have, he learne

d it from me. Got that? Great. Moving on.

“Welcome to the show, Lori,” Toby says in a voice that can only be described as seductive. I feel fucking weird saying that about my wingman, but it’s the truth. He’s working his magic on her. And she seems to be responding. Uptight, straight-laced, oral-sex-is-offensive Lori is totally creaming her panties right now. I’m sure of it.

I mean, I’m the expert, right? I would know. I look at the camera and arch an eyebrow, making sure the viewers catch on to what I’m witnessing. Then I wink and turn back to them.

“Yes, Lori. Welcome,” I say. And she doesn’t even look at me. Well damn.

I turn to Layla with a what-the-fuck look, but she looks just as baffled as I am. Okay then. “Layla, welcome to A Cunning Linguist.”

“Thanks for having us, Jake.”

I look at her for half a beat, losing my train of thought. She just called me Jake for like the first time ever.

Layla winks. “That is what your friends call you, right?”

I want to laugh. She’s fucking with me on live TV. God, I love this woman. Always keeping me on my toes.

“Indeed. Okay, so like I said, tonight we’re going to talk about the ethics of censorship. In case anyone wasn’t aware, Layla and Lori here work for the FCC, and Layla was personally responsible for the investigation. We spent a lot of time together over the last few weeks, and she got an insider peek into how the show works. Tell us about that.”

“Thanks, Jake. I was initially given the assignment by Lori,” she gestures to Lori and then pauses, wide-eyed, as she realizes Lori isn’t even paying close attention to what’s been said so far. She’s looking back and forth between us like she’s listening, but I can tell that she’s hyper-aware of Toby, who’s moved his chair from being across to her so that he’s now sitting next to her. Interesting.

I move my index finger in a circle, gesturing for Layla to keep going. The cameras are rolling and focused right on her.

She dives into a breakdown of her plans to interview the women who’d been on the show, with her goal of finding out what really happens when the women come on as guests. She goes through the whole thing, from how she thought they’d all be humiliated about the whole thing to discovering that every single one of them said the show changed their lives.

She’s totally going off script. We’re supposed to be talking about ethics, and instead she’s talking about how the women were only confirmation of what she’d already come to discover—that liberation from society’s constraints about sex benefitted everyone.

When she’s done and the camera flips back to me, she gives me a come on catch up look and tilts her head toward Toby and Layla. They’re now totally focused on each other. And the dude has a raging hard on that he isn’t doing anything to hide. Not that he should-that’s not how we roll on this show.

But now I get what she’s doing—capitalizing on their very apparent attraction. So I roll with it.

“Lori, what are your thoughts on Layla’s discoveries?” I say, smiling when she jerks her head toward me in surprise.

“Oh, well, um. I have to say, it wasn’t what I expected.”

Fucking Lori isn’t what I expected. Like at all. I had worked her up to be some total bitch, but she really just reminds me of a lot of my viewers and guests. Some who just want to know if there’s more out there for them than what they’ve experienced. Yes, yes there is.

“How so?”

She blushes. “Well, I just never imagined that so many people would say that it changed their lives. I mean, it was every last person.”

Toby jumps in. “Why do you think that is, Lori?” He looks at her earnestly, a look I know I’ve given countless women. I have to admit, the dude has skills. But he’s not just playing a role. Even though Toby’s been vying to guest host forever, he’s totally there with me on the reason we do this.