I sigh as I think that I’ve officially run out of words. I apologized. Explained the reason for my actions. She can leave it or take it, but everything I said is true. I feel like I’m standing here naked. While normally that wouldn’t be a bad thing, now I just feel vulnerable and bared to her. I’m worried it isn’t enough.
This is something that I’ve never faced before.
I’m worried that I’m not enough.
Her brow furrows as Elia purses her lips. “I’m sorry for blowing up at you before, you did save me from Ryan. Also, he’s been acting like that for a while and I just kinda didn’t realize how creepy he was until he got bold enough to really act on it. No job’s worth being treated like that by your boss. The fact is that I hardly get paid, and I don’t know if I’ve just been wasting my time here when this is my dream job...it is starting to feel like more of a nightmare. It’s not as if this is the only bookstore in town, but without a new owner there may not be any place for me here. Not a place that I want.” She shrugs, and there’s a warm smile on her face as her eyes light up.
I love that even though Elia’s going through tough times, she’s stronger than anything that comes at her. She’s resilient and she doesn’t take shit. Certainly not mine. “You don’t have to apologize for that.” I don’t want her to feel like her outburst at me was uncalled for. She’s the first woman I’ve actually wanted to date, and I fucked it up terribly. My behavior was total bullshit, and Elia should have called me on it.
“But I do,” she says insistently. “That wasn’t any way to thank you for what you did. My mind froze when he touched me. It was almost as if I’d been dreading the moment for so long and I didn’t even realize it. I used to brush it off when I felt something strange about Ryan and think that I was paranoid, and Ryan wasn’t often around much so I didn’t think it would matter. But yesterday my eyes were opened to it all, and it made me feel so damn stupid.”
“He’s misled you and mistreated you for a while. Ryan has been using the possible sale of this store to try and manipulate you. It isn’t surprising, given the number of lies he’s told, that you couldn’t see the truth about who he really was. And none of your coworkers likely knew the full extent of Ryan’s actions, either." I look into Elia’s beautiful eyes and I take her in my arms without a second thought. She’s kind, she’s good, she’s strong…I just want to protect her. Hold her. Have her.
Elia freezes for a second before relaxing as her body melts against me. Then she pushes gently against my chest even though I can hear her breathing going out of control. Something tells me that she’s not ready for that yet. One apology. One iPad is not going to make up for how she must have been feeling for days when I never called or texted her.
“I need to get out of here!” She says, releasing a deep breath she was holding.
“Why? Is he here? Did he try something again?” I’m on alert instantly, not wanting her anywhere near that prick.
Elia shakes her head. “No, he hasn’t been back in since.”
“And your purse?” I should have got it for her, but I was literally so wrapped up in my own self-pity instead of actually helping Elia. Fuck, I am terrible at caring for another person. At least with my daughter it seems to be simpler...Rose loves me, and I’m her daddy.
To Elia, I’m just the punch-happy prick that tells her to go on dates, has sex with her, and ignores her.
I remember Ryan holding her purse against the window as if he was threatening her to come back in or enticing her, whatever would get him what he wanted. I reach for Elia’s hand, curling mine protectively around hers. “If you’d like, we can go and report this to the police.”
“No! You punching him was more than enough to get him to back off. Besides, I don’t know why I sent you two messages. Two phone calls after that night and you never returned them. No message. Nothing.”
I look down because I don’t have a real answer, and quickly change the subject. “Why don’t we go to The Macaroons, that French bakery you love?”
“Eric, I don’t remember telling you my favorite café. How do you know that?”
Fuck! So in watching the store to see possible peak hours of customer traffic, I have definitely indulged in watching Elia. Yes, I ignored and stalked her.
Not good at this relationship thing.
Pretty sure I’ve done nothing about this relationship thing right.
She jerks her hand out of mine, and her eyes widen as she shakes, exactly the same way that she did when Ryan made a move on her yesterday. “I thought that Ryan was the only creep in my life. Now, I’m starting to think that you’re just as bad as him. The only reason that you would mention The Macaroons is if you’re watching me. That’s it, Eric. You’re a liar and I don’t believe anything that you say. I know that you’re planning to buy this place, but I hope I won’t be a part of that equation.”
She turns her back to me. I know that I have nothing else to do but leave. Fuck! Even a simple apology seems too much as far as she’s concerned. Maybe buying this place is a fucking bad idea! Maybe getting more involved with Elia is an even worse one! I need to go back to the office. At least there I can work and stop thinking
with my fucking cock for a change.
Elia
I leave my house with a bag thrown over my shoulder. The phone Eric gave me is inside and even though I’ve been using the iPhone, I dig out my old phone and decide that I’ll just stick to the one thing that I’ve been using all this time. It does still have all my old numbers in it, and maybe I’ll get the courage to drop off the iPhone on my way back. Eric still has the iPad. Thank goodness he didn’t bring it with him back to the bookstore.
I head down to my car and send a quick message to Dad that I’m going to be staying in the cabin for a couple of days. If I call him, he’ll only worry, so it’s best just to send a text.
My car’s a trash heap, but it was my first car so I keep it even though it rarely runs. That’s why I take the bus to work, or a taxi when I’m in a pinch.
My parents' saved to buy this old car for me once I got my permit after high school. My old Chevy may be bashed up a bit and makes a lot of noise, but with the price of a train or a bus in comparison to hopping in the car, it makes more sense to just take the car to get out of town.
There’s somewhere I need to be right now, and it’s as far away from here as possible. The engine sputters for a few moments, and I’m relieved when it roars to life.
I drive out of town near Cider Creek Park, a place that I haven’t been to in years. I didn’t even tell Ryan that I was leaving, just Dana who promised to cover my shifts. She said that I don’t even have to make it up to her after I told her about Ryan putting his creepy hands all over me.