As soon as she is out of earshot, Becca explodes.
"Are you SERIOUS? What's going on Mason? I've been texting and calling you for days! You won't answer and you aren't showing up to the office. Are you avoiding me?"
"It's complicated," I say.
"Complicated? Is that all you can say? I've been needing to talk to you and you're acting as if I don't exist."
Seeing her like this makes my stomach do somersaults. It kills me. It really does.
"This wasn't my choice," I say.
"I've heard that before," she replies. "Just answer one thing for me. Is all of this real?"
"What, exactly, are you referring to?"
"THIS! All of this … the romantic meal, all of this outward affection … you and Lorna … all of it," she says. "Are you falling for her?"
I look into her eyes. Her confusion is palpable.
I want to tell her how I really feel, how I meant what I said before; I can't stand Lorna, but none of that comes out of my mouth.
For the first time in a long time, I'm nearly speechless.
"I have to do what's best for the company, Becca," I say.
I watch as tears tug at the corners of her eyes.
I'm fucking dying inside. Literally dying.
It's like someone is holding a match to my insides, burning me slowly, and there's nothing I can do about it except to allow my heart to be set ablaze.
25
&
nbsp; Becca
I run out of the Four Seasons and onto Park Avenue not knowing where else to go. I just know that I need to get out.
Get out of there. Get out of that toxic situation.
I'm breathing hard. I'm panting.
My heart is racing. My eyes are seeing spots. I see stars, and not the good kind you see during sex, but the kind that makes me think I'm having a stroke.
My head is spinning and it feels like my entire stomach has fallen to the ground.
How could Mason just turn around and betray me like this?
Like it was no big deal? Like it was just a business decision.
Didn't he know that I was falling in love with him?
I mean, you noticed the signs, didn't you? When I talked about him, you could tell that I was falling in love with the guy, right?
Please tell me that I wasn't just feeling that in my head and actually driving him away or something. Please tell me that I didn't do something inadvertent to make this happen.
Wait.