From what I’ve heard, he’s backing my book with the whole might of his company. A big marketing budget, and the biggest booth and stage at the convention… He’s trying to revive Bad Boy Publishing with The Virgin Market, a book on which I poured my very soul into.
It’s sickening, and my stomach turns whenever I think of it.
Two.
Only two days until the Romance Guild conference starts. Time doesn’t stop, and with each tick of the clock, I take one step further toward the inevitable.
I still haven’t decided if I’ll be there, though. Even though Grady has snagged the rights to The Virgin Market, he doesn’t own me.
I’ve been thinking of just skipping the whole conference. I can just stay at home with Anders, and try to forget about the whole thing. I mean, why would I want to attend something like that? God, this feels like someone has just stolen my baby from my arms, and being at the convention kinda makes it look as if I approve of the whole thing.
But, on the other hand, that’s my book. I’m the one who wrote every single word in there and, even though Bad Boy Publishing might be my publishing house, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be there to support my creation.
I’m so torn.
Three.
That’s how many times I’ve cried over everything that happened. I’m actually surprised I’ve only cried three times; I think that this whole experience, for better or worse, is turning me into a stronger woman.
Still, even though I’m becoming stronger, that doesn’t mean I’m strong enough. At least not yet. Forget about my book, even though it pains me to know that now I’m under the Bad Boy brand, that pales in comparison to what Logan did to me. That’s where the real pain comes from.
He betrayed me, and for what? For money? I just can’t understand why he’d do something like that, especially when there was something magical whenever the three of us—me, him, and Anders—were together. Why would he ruin the best thing to happen in all of our lives?
And, God, as much as I hate to say it… I miss him. I miss him so much. And I hate that I miss him. I wish I could be someone even stronger, someone that would just shrug the whole situation off and move on.
But that’s not me.
To make matters worse, I feel like I’ve betrayed Abby. She gave me an opportunity of a lifetime, and now my manuscript is sitting somewhere in Grady’s office instead of hers.
Ten.
I haven’t been to the office in ten days. I just can’t go there. To think that I may meet Abby… I shudder whenever I think of it. I just can’t look her in the eye, you know? Sure, I could try to explain to her everything that happened, but would it matter? In the end, The Virgin Marketis already in Grady’s hands and no apologies from me will ever change that.
Sure, she told me I could try different publishers… but even though I went down that route, I never submitted anything to Bad Boy Publishing. I know everything about the convoluted story that happened between Grady and Abby, and I would've preferred for The Virgin Market to never be publish than to go with her main competitor.
But that’s exactly what happened.
I thought that I could trust Logan; in fact, I was certain of it, and look where that got me.
One.
Right now, there’s only one certainty in my life: Anders. He was the first one to come up to me, singing praises about my book, and he stuck with me ever since. Whenever I cried and sobbed, he was there. Whenever I felt angry and frustrated, he was there. And whenever I needed someone to share my happiness, he was also there.
By God, I love him more than anything.
Don’t hate me for saying it, though, but this love feels somewhat incomplete. Me, Logan, and Anders… There was something there, you know? Something deep, deeper than anything I’d ever found in my life. And now Logan’s gone, and we’re like a puzzle with a missing piece; we look pretty and happy but, in the end, we’re incomplete.
It’s kinda funny, isn’t it? A few weeks ago I was just a silly girl with a silly dream. I wanted to become a writer more than anything, to see my name engraved on the covers of books all over the country. And now that I’m on the verge of achieving all that, my dream has somehow become a hollow one.
I’ve lost one of the men I love, and that just … that just breaks my heart, okay? Because I love Anders, but I can’t stop myself from loving Logan as well. I loved what the three of
us had, and I feel that Logan stole that happiness from me.
And all this time … he hasn’t even called me once. He just vanished into thin air. He’s probably busy in the studio, working on the cover for The Virgin Market, and that makes me feel even more awful about the whole thing.
But it doesn't matter.
There are only two days left until the convention starts and, then and there, this whole situation will finally come to an end.