There are murmurs. Apparently the press is clueless about marriages lasting less than a year in New York State. Let me break it down for them.
“In the State of New York, both parties upon entering a marriage sign a marriage certificate with the magistrate who performs that marriage,” I begin and people begin nodding. “I never gave the certificate to Jocelyn to sign.”
Now there’s a hushed whisper going through the group. They’re wondering why I would do something like this and which way this press conference is going.
“That’s because at the time, I wasn’t sure that marrying Jocelyn was the right course of action, folks,” I say to the crowd. “You see, I wasn’t attracted to her, but I wasn’t ready to tell everyone my secret either.”
Even the cameras stop. You could hear a pin drop if you listened hard enough.
“You see, Jocelyn and I never consummated our marriage because there was no way I was attracted to her. No way I was attracted to women in general when men were much more agreeable to me,” I say, bringing a mask of pained resolve to my face. These media sheep are eating this up. I’m going to control the narrative for the next two days if I play this right.
“All my life, I’ve struggled with this double life, being someone who my parents wanted me to be while inside I just wanted to let my true colors shine,” I say into the microphone. “But I’m here today to tell you, to tell the world, that I identify as homosexual. And if you’ll have me, I’d like to be the first openly gay mayor of New York City.”
That does it. Those cameras that were silent? They pop up and begin their flash. I smile in a bittersweet fashion. I practiced it this morning as I got ready for my arrival.
I had thought that I had scared Lance enough to stay away. That by the time I entered, Jocelyn would be floundering and would be looking like a mess. That I’d come in and save the day. And get back at her for all the time she’s wasted of mine in doing this. Couldn’t keep her damn legs closed, could she?
Yes, I was very surprised to see Lance. But I have a feeling I’ve saved him too.
“From this day forward, New York, I promise to be proud and open about who I am with not just my family, but to the entire city as well,” I say, raising my arms. People actually start to clap and cheer. Idiots.
I notice Lance clapping next to me as well and he takes a step closer.
Oh, he wants to play that game, does he?
“I know my secret may have caused a lot of hurt and pain to my immediate family, but I want to take this opportunity to let them know that it was their pain that I saw I was causing that finally prompted me to come out today. There was no way that I could let a good and decent and intelligent woman like Jocelyn Carter continue to believe that she was doing something wrong,” I say into the microphone. “She hasn’t cheated on me technically because she hasn’t broken any marriage vows. All she’s done is fallen in love with a much younger gentleman in my son. And I think after this long on the campaign trail, I can vouch for his character.”
The crowd is eating it up. Now is where I turn to Lance and take a step close to him. I wrap my arms around him and he pulls me close.
He leans into my ear and whispers, “Congratulations, dad, you’ve just admitted to committing fraud by perpetuating a fake marriage.”
I freeze momentarily.
He’s right. But he doesn’t stop there. “And I have enough on you and Kenneth from the last couple of days to throw this election into the fucking shitter for you, just to let you know.”
I don’t know what to say at this point.
“Makes that heartfelt speech of coming out to save your family look like bullshit when they see camera footage of Kenneth fucking you on the staircase,” he finishes and pulls back to give me a broad, beaming smile that the cameras will pick up. They’ll think those were words of encouragement. But they chill my blood.
Maybe this is my son more than I thought.
Is that a bit of pride there I’m feeling for him?
Depends on how he plays it. Let’s see.
As if sensing this, Lance leans in one more time.
“I’m not getting off this podium and I’m releasing all this shit tomorrow unless you publicly take care of Jocelyn right now,” he says. “And don’t worry, I’ve gotten video footage stashed away pretty securely. I knew you’d try to double cross us as we planned this so I was ready to fight back.”
This time when Lance pulls back, I’m smiling.
So, the big oaf is capable of learning something after all. I taught him to think a few steps ahead.
Granted, he’s still playing checkers when this is chess, but at least he’s stood up to me, backed me in a corner, and is getting what he wants from me.
I turn back to the podium.
“I want the world to know that I wish Lance and Jocelyn all the happiness in the world,” I say as I turn to Lance and hand him the envelope with the unsigned marriage certificate. “That’s why I want them to know that I have a private chartered plane to take them anywhere in the world they want to go, as well as an executive position for Lance in Anders Media for when he wants to come back to work for his old man.”