Well, maybe the sweater vest is a bit too much. He's still got the ripped body and fantastic abs. And we've all seen what he's packing below the waist.
But while the city expects Magnus Davion to misbehave, what it doesn't expect is for him to turn into a pillar of society.
And when I say pillar, I'm not talking about an erect sex organ. I'm talking about an upstanding citizen.
That's right, New Yorkers. Meet Magnus Davion, savior of the city.
In the last two weeks, this ex-bad boy billionaire has been seen at three charity fundraisers. He's hosted a blood drive from his Midtown offices. He's donated coats. He's read books to orphans. He's even donated a hospital wing to Beth Israel's children's section.
This is not the same man who used to spray ejaculate on women's faces in front of 50,000 people.
This is not the same man who crashed his car into the side of St. Patrick's Cathedral because he was too busy having fellatio performed on him by two women. Not just one, but two.
This is not the same man who left Academy Award Winning Best Actress Michele Roberts VonCannon using her Oscar acceptance speech to make a heartfelt plea to return her phone calls.
No. The Magnus Davion that New Yorkers see actually waits till the sign changes to cross the street. He stops at red lights when he's driving. He doesn't get inappropriately drunk at the worst moments. He's not causing mayhem and destruction.
Which leaves millions of New Yorkers wondering, "What gives?"
Well, my fellow citizens, if you'll permit me a moment to put on my tinfoil hat, I'll give you what I think is going on here.
Two words. Equinox Towers.
You see, my theory is that ever since Mr. Davion's little spectacle at Nailers Arena, he's come into some scrutiny by the city and state. You'll remember that this column even suggested that the city stop doing business with him entirely.
Well, guess what building is coming up for final decision on choosing the developer that will build it?
That's right. Equinox Towers.
And it makes perfect sense that this man—who is
not unintelligent or slow in the slightest—will be staying on his best behavior to not piss anyone else off.
What happens though when Equinox Towers is his?
Does the old Magnus come out?
Or can we keep this one?
It's an interesting question. I much prefer the current version of the man, but who knows what will happen. Or, if he'll even get the contract at all.
I'll let you know as soon as I find out.
Until then, keep your ears to the ground, New York. I'll be listening!
Magnus
I can’t get a fucking break.
There was one good article about me, and now it’s back to the old burn-the-bastard-at-the-stake routine. Whoever’s writing this garbage must be having a lot of fun, because these kinds of articles have been coming for a very long time.
Seriously, whoever runs the New York Daily Journal must have a fucking grudge against me, because I have no other explanation for this. Sure, I know I’m not exactly one of those cookie-cutter role models, but is this kind of bullshit really needed? It’s not like I eat fucking children for breakfast.
I decided to hop out of my limo a few blocks away from my office tower, thinking that it’d be a good idea to stretch my legs. I didn’t need to walk long to find one of these newspaper stands that seem to be one of the New York staples. Curiosity got the best of me and I grabbed a Daily Journal copy, flipping it straight to the Gossip Central column. After giving me some good press, I thought that whoever’s behind these things had given up on trashing my name. I was wrong, of course.
I grab one of the newspapers from the newspaper stand in front of me, pay the old guy in the booth, and tuck it under my arm. I stroll down the sidewalk, taking my cellphone out of my pocket, and scroll down the contacts list. I press my thumb over Joyce’s name and hold the phone to my ear. Just like always, she picks up after just one tone.
“8 am. Congratulations. I don’t think I even remember you being up this early,” Joyce chirps, but I don’t even indulge her small talk. I go straight for the kill, my mind strictly focused on business. It’s high time this bullshit stops.