“I…can’t leave. I have nothing. I am nothing,” Lucy’s voice is shallow and slow now and I’m pulled out of the heady need surrounding me.
I can’t have her think something like that. I don’t want her to stay with me because I’m her only option, either, and maybe that’s reason enough to let her dance even if I don’t want her to. But first, I have to tell her how she’s not nothing. “You’re not nothing. You’re more of everything I’ve ever seen good in the world, in one person. You’re empty because you’re always giving, and there’s no one giving anything to you.” I want to give my body to her, she captivates the parts of my heart I didn’t know could still be part of anything I had to offer, but that’s not enough. Not for Lucy. It can’t be. She deserves more than the likes of me. I start to pull away, but her hands tangle up in my shirt, thumb working over buttons until she’s freed me from the prison of not touching her. I bring my hands back to her to pull her own shirt over her head. Her arms hook out of her bra, and I see the top nude half of her and I can’t stand the idea of not being inside of her. But I want to see my cock slide deep in her pussy, slow, deep strokes where I can watch how her skin gets pinker and more flushed every time I’m inside of her. Then I’ll kiss her and feel her trembling legs wrap around me. And nothing ugly about today or ever can get to us, not when I’m inside her and she’s locking me in with her ankles.
“I want to know what you’re thinking when you look at me like that,” Lucy says.
“I want to know how you can think so little of yourself,” I say. Fuck, I could be inside her a thousand times over and I want to be. I could be cruel and push her away forever. I don’t want to, but I should do that.
So why do I say this kind of shit instead? Why can’t I stay broken and unfeeling — why do I have to tell sweet Lucy that she needs to know she’s the most incredible person I’ve ever met? What good will that do any of us? She had me pegged for who I was right away. Only my money can help her, and that’s already happening. What can I possibly hope to offer her?
“Because I have eyes,” Lucy says. “Because I’ve been sleepwalking through every part of my life that isn’t a nightmare. I have nothing to look forward to but my brother … and when that was my only goal, it was fine. I don’t mean to be selfish, I just don’t have that to worry about anymore, and now I don’t know who I am,” Lucy says, pressing one palm to my chest.
I pull her head to mine. The soft feel of her hair on my now bare skin makes me bite my lip for a second. Crap, she’s everything soft and good in the world. She’s my world. How could I have fallen so fast? Hard enough to feel the impact shattering me.
“You’re right. When you had nothing else to worry about that was fine. But you need the freedom to explore what you want. Anything you want, Lucy, I'll make it happen. You have to figure out what your heart’s desire is,” I say. When did I become a damn poet? I mean every word, but I feel like a damn fool.
Lucy says nothing, so I bring her face up to mine, and I see tears welling in her eyes. Fuck.
“No one has ever wanted to do anything for me. Wanted to help me,” Lucy says with a sniffle.
Well no wonder my ability to take advantage of her is strong. Her whole family, save her brother, died, and now she’s got a brother alone to look out for her, and he’s the one who needs looking after? Of course, he’s too busy to do that. Lucy was a virgin until me. I get it now.
And I’m the monster taking advantage of that situation. If only I could help her and not hurt her. Because when she finds out I’m married, even if what Lucy and I have is real, that’s probably going to crush her more than anything. I never want to hurt her.
I just want to have her.
I can’t have her.
But I’m not thinking about that right now. My lips close over hers again. I feel the soft flutter of her wet eyelashes against my cheek and I breathe deep her scent. I need to be inside Lucy more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life. “Lucy,” I say her name like an incantation, summoning everything required to raze my soul. “God, I fucking need you so damn much,” I say, unable to hold back now. I need her more than I could possibly say. My hands on her aren’t enough; her lips kissing me are only pushing me for more. My mouth is bruising, passionate and rough, claiming her lips and overtaking her tongue, my mouth pressed so hard against hers it almost hurts, but I keep kissing her like I’m sucking her soul out of her. I breathe her in, drink her in, taste her, and know that I'll be hollow if I ever let her go. She had the chance to go, my thoughts growl. Those demons within me tell me that now she’s mine to claim. That I don’t need to worry about anything but making sure her skin is always under my fingers, that she’s what my lips are touching.
Lucy gasps beneath me and I know she needs to breathe. I release her lips for a moment and the instant she inhales, I close my mouth over hers again. One of my hands grabs her breasts and I squeeze a little harder than I should. Her moan into my mouth presses me on. I need her, need her in my grasp. I hold tight and tighter yet. My tongue dances over hers, and my mouth is open over hers. Her tongue makes me shiver the way she runs it over mine, and touches the inside of my mouth. The taste of her is honey and sin, innocence that I’ve been tormented by and it's erased with every bit of trouble we make together. Her damnation is as certain as mine now. I damned this beautiful soul moaning beneath me and I can’t help myself. So be it.
Pulling back so quickly she whimpers I have to tear off every last bit of her clothes. I do it so quickly that her clothes are in tatters; her body is pulled and bounced around like she’s a gift I’m unwrapping rather than a person I’m undressing. God, she is my fucking toy. The thing I need to play with more than I need to breathe.
I toss the fabric behind me, watch her freed skin bump up with the impact of air. I cover her body with my own, one hand tearing off my pants, then my underwear. I can’t wait a moment longer. I need my cock inside Lucy.
“Gian,” Lucy moans and I look into her eyes. They’re hooded with lust. She’s biting her
tongue.
I dip my fingers into her folds, feeling her wet pussy, and I slide my fingers in.
She moans. “I need you so fucking much,” Lucy says and those damn words. What the hell am I supposed to do with those words? I’d start a war over less from her lips if anything tried to keep me from her.
Curling my fingers inside her to stroke her G-spot, I watch her face beautifully contort in pleasure and my mind is already planning some day when I’m not after her like I’m dying of thirst, I want to finger her pussy slowly for an hour, watch her legs tremble and keep her so close, keep her wet, but not let her come. She loves the feeling of being on the brink — I’ve already seen her taste for that and I want to play with her more. I could fuck her a different way every day and still not be sated. I need her more than anything in my life. And right now my cock is going to goddamn explode if I don’t get it deep in her sweet pussy.
But Lucy’s hand reaches down and guides me toward her, and she’s wiggling her hips.
Fuck, she’s trying to get my cock in her just as fast as I’m trying to bury myself inside her. We need each other so much that we’re both desperately racing for it. Ain’t that something?
I move her pretty little hands away and drive my cock into her. We’re both watching her pussy eat up inches of my cock into her, spearing poor Lucy practically in half. My cock is so huge that I feel her stretching to accommodate me and I’m desperate to get in to the hilt. I want her pussy to take every inch of me.
I look to her face and see her eyes have rolled back in their orbits.
“You love this cock, Lucy? You love taking every damn inch of me as much as you can, as soon as you can, as deep as you can?” I ask and I’m panting. I bring two of my fingers up to her mouth.
When she opens her mouth to answer, she gets a muffled, “Yes,” out before I press those fingers to her lips. She sucks my fingers. Her lips pucker up and kiss the fingers, then she pulls them into her mouth and her tongue licks them. Her closed mouth’s suction is a warm, wet feeling that does something to me. That feeling jolts right to my cock, making me jerk inside her with an aroused twitch. Fuck, Lucy knows exactly how to touch me, how to fuck me with her tongue on my fingers. I have to return the pleasure with my cock, as soon as possible.
I roll back my hips and stroke long and hard into her. I’m resisting pumping hard into her, because we could both cum so hard and so fast together…but neither of us is here for a quick fuck. We want to savor each other until we both can’t take it anymore.