I have not one but two incredible men in my life right now and I’m so grateful I could burst. I reach out and squeeze Tommy’s hand.
“You’re so beautiful, Luce. Congratulations,” Tommy says. His eyes are watering, and that makes my eyes water.
Then I look over at Gian, and I can’t help it. I totally lose it. I’m a mess of happy tears and sounds of happiness, and I jump into his arms. Those strong arms that hold me so tight, spin me, and lift me up while he carts me off to the dance floor.
“I know this is like so not kosher,” I say and bite my lower lip. “But you said Terry, your ex-wife, you said she was trying to have Tommy kill you. Did your employee, Zander, know? And are they really just off somewhere with a big pile of money?” I told myself that I wasn’t going to ask these things. Not because Gian didn’t want to tell me because I felt pretty sure he would. But still, I couldn’t help but ask.
Gian’s eyes widen. “Oh, so you wanna do this here?” He says, but he’s laughing. I can’t believe how light the air is between us with such a heavy topic. “Zander didn’t know. The reason he was so torn up is because he’s always been so loyal. So wanting to be with Terry? He didn’t know what he was getting into then,” Gian laughs, running a hand down my back as he spins me around the dance floor more.
I feel like a princess right now.
Even if I’m talking about my husband’s ex-wife. I mean, we can’t all be virgins, can we?
“Zander is still going to work for me, after they get back from a long vacation. Loyal people are extremely hard to find. Terry’s parents are the ones that pushed her to marry me. I didn’t believe in love then, but I tried to love Terry. And Terry? I don’t know that she cared or believed either, but Zander dealt with the majority of her crap and they came out in love on the other side. Who would have guessed?” Gian kisses my forehead. “Love is…silly like that.”
I have never heard Gian use a word like silly before and it tickles me. I think I actually giggle before Gian pulls me into his arms and kisses away all my thoughts.
Happily ever after worked out surprisingly well for everyone, I guess, and I think about Tommy when I come up for air. He’s dancing with Margot…
“Oh, Gian, look who is next!” I say, pointing with my eyes.
“Your love is infectious,” Gian says in a mock accusatory tone. “Now they caught it, I think you’re right,” Gian nods, indicating how close they are dancing.
Margot is blushing. She never blushes.
We dance all night, until all our guests are tuckered out, and I’m exhausted. Gian carries me off to the elevator and I’m so beat, I fall right asleep in his arms.
To think I used to lie awake at night, wondering if I could make rent, and now I can fall asleep in the elevator up to the penthouse suite I share with my husband.
I didn’t need a big wedding. I had no big honeymoon plans. I had a very big love, and it was enough to fill every empty space in my heart.
Lucy
Coming back from a night of dancing usually winds me all up, but tonight is different. Because I knew that Gian was going to be busy with meetings all day, I kind of wanted to keep the home fires warm instead of doing anything else. I took a bath and read, then listened to music. It was so strange to be able to do this, but I quit my job at the diner after I saw how much I made dancing. The truth was that Gian made it very clear that I’d never have to work again. But I didn’t want that. I wanted to be able to do what I wanted and make money for me. But today I didn’t want to dance, didn’t feel like hanging out with anyone. I wouldn’t need it to be so excited for Gian’s arrival. In fact, I think that would've been too much for me. Today I needed to relax.
Because before this life I have now … I don’t remember when I could just relax. I have time to do things like read novels. Reading a whole novel can take so many hours I almost froze myself to death in the tub, lingering long after the warmth, getting caught up in the story. It's so nice to be able to relax. I enjoy rubbing fancy creams and lotions all over my body, taking care to do my hair even though I was staying inside. I even did my makeup — though not as extravagant as if I was going on stage, I found that I wanted to look as beautiful as I possibly good for Gian when he came home.
Home.
That’s what I think of this suite as. I considered asking Gian for my own place when our arrangement first began. But I haven’t really wanted that since…since he fucked me like he did and showed me a side of him that I didn’t know could exist. I wanted to be near him. I like that when he’s not here and I am, the sheets still have his scent on them. I like that living in the same suite as him means that most nights, we sleep side by side. Or, as I prefer, in Gian’s arms.
I have an attachment to Gian like I’ve never had before. The truth is, I’ve never been close to anyone before Gian. I had no relationships. My brother was the only person in my life and he kept me at a distance to cope with his own problems. Never, ever, could I keep a friend for long. They thought I was weak. They didn’t share my interests.
People always have reasons for not wanting to be in my life, or I have reasons to not want others in my life.
Yet, here I am. The girls at the club, the girls at the spa…I think of them as true friends now. And Gian…he’s like a boyfriend in a really twisted way. He may not be my ‘boyfriend’ but I know that I’m his girl. I can’t believe my strange little life.
And I kind of love it.
I like having my own little world with him. That’s really why I wanted to stay in today. I took some kind of strange pleasure in the idea that today, only Gian would see me. And I don’t know if I should tell him that because I know he’s not thrilled with the fact that I’ve decided to take up dancing on a pole in his club…but even though I enjoy that, I also enjoy being his. He is as close to understanding both as I think he’s ever going to, so I’ll just not press the issue or bring it up.
When the evening starts to wind down, I expect that Gian will arrive any time now. Instead of wearing any fancy lingerie, I opted instead to be completely naked for his arrival. I think there’s bound to be some level of excitement for that on his part. I grab a glass and a bottle of wine from the bar. It's always so well stocked, but I haven’t seen Gian drink from the bar or drink alcohol anywhere else since the night I met him and offered myself up to him.
Maybe it's a coincidence. But maybe it isn’t. I put the alcohol and the wine back and opt to wait for him while opening a second novel to read. I mean, there’s no story so compelling that I won’t drop it the instant Gian walks in. Except I must've picked the most boring story in the world and I can barely hang on while reading it. Despite doing mostly nothing all day, I find myself yawning and before I know it, I’m asleep, naked, in the bed I share with Gian only now I’m sharing it with a novel from my paperback stack next to the bed.
I wake up much later in the evening to Gian’s fingers stroking my chin.
“You must be tired, Luce, you don’t have to wake up,” Gian says in a low voice. There’s some emotion that I don’t understand in his voice, and he’s never called me Luce before. Only my brother has ever called me that.